Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi cast!
by Black Michaelis
Summary: An interview where reviewers are participating. FY stars kidnapped together and were forced to answer the questions that the fans are gonna fire at them. Warning: This story might affect the young viewers innocence and BAD languages are used.
1. Let's introduce, shall we?

**Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi cast!**

**By: Amethyst Chou**

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><p><strong>A.N<strong>: Ellow guys! SOS! I'm going to need your help O awesome readers! I'm going to need a bunch of random questions from you that you wanted so badly to ask the FY cast. It must be outrageous, totally random and will make Host fall off my chair laughing. You can also ask a simple question like: Seriously, are you a girl or a boy? (We do know who we are talking about, ne?). Or "How often do you brush your teeth everyday?" or "What kind of toilets were there in ancient China time?" you know stuff like that. (Don't copy or else I'll track you down and stalk you.. Just kidding!.. or am I?). And the cast will try their best to answer your very "interesting" questions (especially the author.. oh nuuu!). I'll be counting on YOU!

**P.S**: you can also write a dare at the end of your questions ((evil cackle)).

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><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: I do not own any of the characters that will be mentioned in this interview.

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><p><strong>Part One: Introduction<strong>

**Host:** Hi everyone! Haha!

**Crickets**: ((chirps))

**Host:** ((eyebrow twitch)) So.. Welcome to the show everyone.. and to tell you, I need you guys to vote who's the best character of all that will be mentioned in this interview. So let's clap our hands for our first guest, Miaka Yuuki!

**Miaka**: ((waves)) hi

**Host**: Here's Tamahome!

**Tamahome**: ((smiles his 50 carat smile)) Hello

**Fan girls**: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! ((then faints))

**Host**: ((raises an eyebrow)) Owkay… Here's Hotohori!

**Hotohori**: Good day to everyone. ((smiles))

**Fan girl**: I love you Hotohori!

**Hotohori**: ((sent a flying kiss)) I love you too.

**Fan girl**: ((faints but no one caught her in time))

**Host**: okay, Let's move one. Here's ((blushes)) Nuriko! AAAAAHHHHH!

**Nuriko**: Hey. ((smiles widely that host almost fainted))

**Host**: he's so cute! ((realize that everyone was staring at her)) *clears throat* H-Here's Tasuki!

**Tasuki**: Yo.. Nice to.. see.. all of you ((glares at the fang girls)) *mumbles* I hate woman.

**Host:** Here's the kawaii Chichiri!

**Chichiri**: Ohayou no da!

**Host**: Here's Mitsukake!

**Mitsukake**: ((raised his hand)) hi

**Host**: Here's the little Chiriko!

**Chiriko**: ((pouts)) you don't have to rub it in! I maybe small, but I'm smarter than you!

**Host**: ((ignored what Chiriko said)) yeah sure. And now, let's move on to the Seiryuu bunch! Let us all welcome Nakago!

**Nakago**: ((silence))

**Host**: oh! He's so cool! ((dreamy smile))

**Tamahome**: Hey! Why's Blondie in here?

**Host:** so? You don't care! I wanted him to be here!

**Fan girls of Tamahome**: ((glares at the host))

**Host**: Stop glaring at Host! Nobody even likes you!

**Fan girls of Tamahome**: ((all gasp))

**Host:** so anyway.. oh my, I am so sorry! I skipped Yui "accidentally"! she does suppose to be the first one but.. hehe sorry Yui.. I still love you!

**Yui:** oh that's fine. Everybody hates Host anyway! ((sobbing))

**Host**: I'm so sorry! A lot of people loves you Yui!

**Yui:** ((stops crying)) really?

**Host**: Yes *in my mind: no* so let's welcome Amiboshi!

**Amiboshi**: ((waves his hand with the flute))

**Host**: Next is his twin brother, Suboshi!

**Suboshi**: ((still glaring at the host since she accidentally forgot about Yui)) I will tear your body in pieces.

**Host:** hahaha.. you're kidding.. right?

**Suboshi**: No. ((his yoyo spinning in the air))

**Amiboshi**: Brother, calm down. She already apologized and Yui forgive her already.

**Suboshi**: Fine. ((crosses arms and put his yoyo down)) but that doesn't mean that I won't keep my eye on you!

**Host**: *sighs* anyway, let's move on. Next one is Soi.

**Soi:** ((clinging to Nakago)) hello

**Host**: ((shivers)) next is.. Ashtare ((glares at Ashtare chained in the corner))

**Ashtare**: I will eat you

**Host**: I will call the dog catcher. Anyway, next is the cackling maniac, Tomo!

**Tomo:** ((glares at the host)) I swear I'll make you suffer.

**Host**: why do I get death threats from the Seiryuu people? Next is Miboshi.

**Miboshi**: Hehe–

**Host**: Let's move on.

**Miboshi**: Hey! I haven't finished my evil laugh yet!

**Host**: Nobody cares about your laugh! So I were saying, the audience (readers) will vote who is the best character and why! Just write it under your questions and I will count who's the best! And I promise I will not cheat and do what's right!

**Hotohori**: ((combs his hair gracefully)) we all know who's going to win, right?

**Fan girls**: ((squeals))

**Host**: Whatever. So I'll be waiting!


	2. What's the thing about stalkers?

**Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi Stars!**

**By: Amethyst Chou**

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><p><strong>Part 1: Stalkers<strong>

**Host:** *eyes widens* wow, Tomo the first question is for you! Gasp!

**Tomo:** Somehow, I feel so insulted. *crosses arms and pouts*

**Host:** Anyway, our first asker is WeirdRaptor. And her first question is:

Dear Tomo,

I was found outside your house nude. Should I have myself checked?

**Tomo:** *raises an eyebrow* what the hell are you doing outside my house? And NUDE? Wait… how did you know where I live? Are you… *gasps* a stalker? *did the fan girl squeals*

**Soi:** Why are you squealing for? Hello? She's stalking you? Isn't that supposed to be a bad thing?

**Tomo:** I'm just happy *sniffs and wipes a tear from his eye* I've got a FAN! It flutters me so much! Kakakakaka!

**Host:** *looks at him as if something's wrong with him* well she didn't say anything about being your fan, so we're not sure.

**Tomo:** *pouts* okay fine. If you're not a fan of mine… THEN YOU SHOULD REALLY GET YOURSELF CHECKED!

**Tasuki:** You should get yourself checked too.

**Tomo:** *gasps* just what did you say? For your information, I am not crazy!

**Tamahome:** Then explain why you like that *glares at Nakago* blonde jerk and seriously, who on earth puts that kind of amount of make up EVERYDAY?

**Tomo**: Excuse me! This is art. Expressing my beauty as an actress!

**Tasuki**: In other words, you're a crazy faggot.

**Tomo**: *mouth and eye twitching* that's it! Stop me! Stop me! *tries to attack Tasuki but ended up being fried* Why didn't you guys stop me? *whimpers*

**Soi**: No one wants to touch you and be contaminated by your faggotness.

**Tomo**: ..

**Nuriko**: No one cares Tomo! No one cares!

**Tomo**: So meeaan! *sobs*

**Host:** ((feel sorry for Tomo)) oh you guys don't be so mean! C'mon, if you look underneath that stupid-clown make up–

**Tomo**: Excuse me?–

**Host:** Is a very handsome super model! So Tomo, if I were you I would rather choose to be a man than to be a faggot.

**Tomo**: Really?

**Host:** Yeah! When I saw you with no make in the episode.. uhmm.. wait.. what episode was that again? Anyway, I think you're really cute! And plus, you'll get more fans! So it means more–

**Tomo**: Love? Oh! I'm so happy! D-do you really think so?

**Host:** I was about to say stalkers

**Tomo:** *gasps and squeals again like a crazy fan girl*

**Host:** …. Owkay.. what's up with stalkers this days? Anyway, WeirdRaptor, I hope ((like really hope)) you're satisfied with Tomo's answer to your question.

**Miaka:** Host!

**Host:** *startled* what?

**Miaka:** Can I ask you a question?

**Host:** Well you're already asking me so go for it.

**Miaka:** Choose! Nuriko or Nakago?

**Host:** EEEEEEHHHHHH?

**Yui:** Come on! Choose!

**Host:** Erm.. *scratches head* uhmm…. *looks at Nuriko to Nakago*

**Miaka**: Who is it?

**Host**: It's uhmm… N…..

**Miaka and Yui**: N….?

**Host**: N…..

**Miaka and Yui** : N?

**Host:** Nnnnnnow is time for a commercial! Stay tuned! We'll be coming back!

**Miaka and Yui**: *Mouth hangs open*

…..

**Host**: Hi guys! Welcome back! So I heard that some of our guests have question about me. Who wants to go first?

**Miaka and Yui:** *raise their hands first*

**Host:** *ignores them*

**Tasuki**: *raise his hand*

**Host:** Yes Tasuki?

**Miaka**: Hey! We're the first one who raised our hands!

**Host:** *ignores her* so Tasuki, what's your question?

**Tasuki**: Do you like girls?

**Host:** No

**Tamahome** Oooohh that was a straight answer!

**Tasuki**: *grins* high five!

**Host:** *high five Tasuki*

**Tasuki:** Why?

**Host:** Hmm.. I don't know. Be-because they-re uhh *glance at Miaka* stu..pid. Naahh, I just hate them! No offence! And besides, guys are more awesome!

**All guys (except: Nakago and Tomo and those people who are not bothered):** YEAH!

**Chichiri:** I have one question Host-sama, no da!

**Host:** What is it?

**Miaka**: Why do you keep ignoring me?

**Chichiri:** If you are a chosen god warrior and have the free will to choose, which god you are going to work for? Suzaku or Seiryu? Who is it no da?

**Host:** *complete silence* W-well.. T-that's a tough one. So maybe I'll choose Ssssss…

**Suboshi:** *hit his forehead* Ugghhhh! Bloody hell! Here we go again!

**Chichiri**: Ssssss?

**Host:** Ssssss…..

**Miboshi:** *hit his head to a near wall*

**Chichiri:** SSSSSSSS?

**Host:** Ssssso it's time for the show to end! See yah people! Toodles!

**Chichiri:** *glares* Not cool. No da.

**Miaka:** *with a mob of angry girls* GET HER!

**Host:** Uh oh. Curse you mouth!

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><p><strong>A.N:<strong> Thank you for all your favourating-ishy and for reviewing! So far, no one has voted yet. And guys, you can ask as many as 5 questions as you want. And so far no one has voted yet so I'll be waiting! You guys review as I run away from these crazy mob of angry girls with… *gulps* but..cher knives…

TOOODDDLLLLEEEESSSSSS!


	3. Stalkers

Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi Stars!

Part 1: Stalkers

Me: *eyes widens* wow, Tomo the first question is for you! Gasp!

Tomo: Somehow, I feel so insulted. *crosses arms and pouts*

Me: Anyway, our first asker is WeirdRaptor. And her first question is:

Dear Tomo,

I was found outside your house nude. Should I have myself checked?

Tomo: *raises an eyebrow* what the hell are you doing outside my house? And NUDE? Wait… how did you know where I live? Are you… *gasps* a stalker? *did the fan girl squeals*

Soi: Why are you squealing for? Hello? She's stalking you? Isn't that supposed to be a bad thing?

Tomo: I'm just happy *sniffs and wipes a tear from his eye* I've got a FAN! It flutters me so much! Kakakakaka!

Me: *looks at him as if something's wrong with him* well she didn't say anything about being your fan, so we're not sure.

Tomo: *pouts* okay fine. If you're not a fan of mine… THEN YOU SHOULD REALLY GET YOURSELF CHECKED!

Tasuki: You should get yourself checked too.

Tomo: *gasps* just what did you say? For your information, I am not crazy!

Tamahome: Then explain why you like that *glares at Nakago* blonde jerk and seriously, who on earth puts that kind of amount of make up EVERYDAY?

Tomo: Excuse me! This is art. Expressing my beauty as an actress!

Tasuki: In other words, you're a crazy faggot.

Tomo: *mouth and eye twitching* that's it! Stop me! Stop me! *tries to attack Tasuki but ended up being fried* Why didn't you guys stop me? *whimpers*

Soi: No one wants to touch you and be contaminated by your faggotness.

Tomo: ..

Nuriko: No one cares Tomo! No one cares!

Tomo: So meeaan! *sobs*

Me: ((feel sorry for Tomo)) oh you guys don't be so mean! C'mon, if you look underneath that stupid-clown make up–

Tomo: Excuse me?–

Me: Is a very handsome super model! So Tomo, if I were you I would rather choose to be a man than to be a faggot.

Tomo: Really?

Me: Yeah! When I saw you with no make in the episode.. uhmm.. wait.. what episode was that again? Anyway, I think you're really cute! And plus, you'll get more fans! So it means more–

Tomo: Love? Oh! I'm so happy! D-do you really think so?

Me: I was about to say stalkers

Tomo: *gasps and squeals again like a crazy fan girl*

Me: …. Owkay.. what's up with stalkers this days? Anyway, WeirdRaptor, I hope ((like really hope)) you're satisfied with Tomo's answer to your question.

Miaka: Host!

Me: *startled* what?

Miaka: Can I ask you a question?

Me: Well you're already asking me so go for it.

Miaka: Choose! Nuriko or Nakago?

Me: EEEEEEHHHHHH?

Yui: Come on! Choose!

Me: Erm.. *scratches head* uhmm…. *looks at Nuriko to Nakago*

Miaka: Who is it?

Me: It's uhmm… N…..

Miaka and Yui: N….?

Me: N…..

Miaka and Yui : N?

Me: Nnnnnnow is time for a commercial! Stay tuned! We'll be coming back!

Miaka and Yui: *Mouth hangs open*

…..

Me: Hi guys! Welcome back! So I heard that some of our guests have question about me. Who wants to go first?

Miaka and Yui: *raise their hands first*

Me: *ignores them*

Tasuki: *raise his hand*

Me: Yes Tasuki?

Miaka: Hey! We're the first one who raised our hands!

Me: *ignores her* so Tasuki, what's your question?

Tasuki: Do you like girls?

Me: No

Tamahome: Oooohh that was a straight answer!

Tasuki: *grins* high five!

Me: *high five Tasuki*

Tasuki: Why?

Me: Hmm.. I don't know. Be-because they-re uhh *glance at Miaka* stu..pid. Naahh, I just hate them! No offence! And besides, guys are more awesome!

All guys (except: Nakago and Tomo and those people who are not bothered): YEAH!

Chichiri: I have one question Host-sama, no da!

Me: What is it?

Miaka: Why do you keep ignoring me?

Chichiri: If you are a chosen god warrior and have the free will to choose, which god you are going to work for? Suzaku or Seiryu? Who is it no da?

Me: *complete silence* W-well.. T-that's a tough one. So maybe I'll choose Ssssss…

Suboshi: *hit his forehead* Ugghhhh! Bloody hell! Here we go again!

Chichiri: Ssssss?

Me: Ssssss…..

Miboshi: *hit his head to a near wall*

Chichiri: SSSSSSSS?

Me: Ssssso it's time for the show to end! See yah people! Toodles!

Chichiri: *glares* Not cool. No da.

Miaka: *with a mob of angry girls* GET HER!

Me: Uh oh. Curse you mouth!

A.N: Thank you for all your favourating-ishy and for reviewing! So far, no one has voted yet. And guys, you can ask as many as 5 questions as you want. And so far no one has voted yet so I'll be waiting! You guys review as I run away from these crazy mob of angry girls with… *gulps* but..cher knives…

TOOODDDLLLLEEEESSSSSS!


	4. The COOKIES!

Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi cast!

By: Amethyst Chou

A.N: Hi everyone! Thank you for those people who reviewed and gave their questions! Some of them really… gave me a headache. But anyways, thank you guys! You guys can still send me questions, dares and please don't forget to vote for your favorite character! Ja ne!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story; except for my OC (own character). Yuu-sama owns them okay! And why in the world would someone sue me? I didn't do anything!

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><p><strong>Part 2: The Curse of the Seafood flavored cookie<strong>

**Me**: Hello everyone! We're back!

**Cast**: *glares at her*

**Me**: *nervous smile* and it looks like everyone is in a rather bad mood ((turns and give everyone a "glare like that to me again and I'll make you look like Taiitsukun" look*))

**Cast**: *looks away*

**Me:** *happy* Okay, we'll proceed to our interview today. Tasuki, the first question is for you.

**Tasuki:** *takes a deep breath*

**Me:** Our asker for today is Azuna10. And her first question is:

Hahaha, hey Tasuki,

Do you like peaches?

**Tasuki:** *raised an eyebrow* what the hell are you talking about woman? And just to let you know, I DON'T LIKE PEACHES! You know why? Because they're pink and pink reminds me of girls! And I hate girls so that's why I hate peaches!

**Mitsukake:** I like peaches

**Cast:** *looks at him*

**Mitsukake:** What? They help you grow taller!

**Chiriko:** ((stands up in outrage and points an accusing finger at Mitsukake)) that's a LIE! I read a book called "How to be tall for dummies" and said that if you eat peaches they make you tall! And of course finally I found a cure for my shortness...

**Me:** Wow, he finally accepted and faced the reality.

**Chiriko:** Do you hate me?

**Me:** No. why?

**Chiriko:** Then why do you keep teasing me?

**Me:** uhmm... b-because y-you're…. ((looks at Chiriko up and down)) Oh! Because you're small!

**Chiriko:** *glares* Anyway, since that day I ate peaches at breakfast, at recess, at lunch, at snack time, at dinner, at midnight snack!

**Me:** ((mumbles: dickhead))

**Chiriko:** I did not even grow an inch! But instead, I end up living in the toilet for a week!

**Suboshi:** That's because you overdid it you dumbass!

**Hotohori:** Yes Chiriko. That was a very foolish thing to do. You could end up hurting yourself.

**Chiriko:** ((crying with bubbles blowing in his nose)) But I was so DESPERATE!

**Me:** ((mumbles: stupid kid. Even I know that.))

**Chiriko:** Hey! I heard that –

**Me:** So let's move on to the next question! This question is still for you Tasuki:

Do you love Miaka? And you're only allowed to answer 'yes' or 'a bit'.

**Miaka:** ((blushes and looks away))

**Tamahome:** ((looking at Tasuki coldly))

**Tasuki:** Women are the worst creation that was ever made! Who invented them anyway?

**Me:** *smirks* I know what you're trying to do Tasuki. *smiles sinisterly* There's no escape.

**Tasuki:** *gulps* Okay! Okay fine!

**Fan girls:** ((leaning closer and waits for the revelation))

**Me:** ((boredly waits for his answer as she grabs a jar of cookies at the back of her "TheGangstah!" couch)) Spit it out Tasuki! ((bites at the cookie and starts munching it)) Mmmmm… this... cookie… is so… ((smiles and chuckles like a rapist))

**Tasuki:** YES! YES! I ADMIT IT! I… I…. I…. lrubbed… her

**Tomo:** Say it properly!

**Tasuki:** I LOVE HER!

**Fan girls:** *squeals*

**Tasuki:** …as a priestess and a friend.

**Fan girls:** Ohhhhh….

**Tasuki:** I love her because she's our courageous, a great friend, and brave priestess.

**Fan girls:** Awwwwww…..

**Tasuki:** …. Though she's extremely stupid.

**Miaka:** What?

**Me:** ((smiles like she would rape someone))

**Chiriko:** *trembles* is it just me? Or the host's eyes are… turning red? And she looks really creepy… like a molester.

**Mitsukake:** What did you eat anyway? ((sees the cookie jar she's hugging and snatched it away)) It says in the label that these cookies have milk, flour, ooh! Peaches!

**Everyone:** Peaches….? (blank look)

**Mitsukake:** Ahem... anyway... oh crap...

**Hotohori:** What is it?

**Mitsukake:** This cookie has seafood. It says warning: Do not eat this crap– I-I uhh mean cookie if you're allergic to seafood. This will cause some allergic reactions like pervertness, dirty minded, foul mouth, high and *eyes widens* a possibility of being a rapist.

**Everyone:** ((looks at the host who was staring at Mitsukake's butt and licking lips))

**Mitsukake:** ((jolt back to his seat))

**Me:** So let's move on... Oh! This question is for Tasuki again! She asked: Why are you so hooooootttt? ((shock and runs to Tasuki))

**Tasuki:** He-hey! What'cha doin' woman? Don't rape me!

**Me:** ((feeling Tasuki's forehead and neck)) you don't have a fever so why are you so hot? We have our air cons in full blast...

**Some of the audience:** ((wearing a winter coat and gloves)) *shivers*

**Me:** so... why are you so hot then? ((Traces Tasuki's cheek))

**Tasuki:** HELP! HELP! I NEED A FREAKING HELP HERE! SHE'S GONNA RAPE ME! HELP ME!

**Tamahome:** ((enjoying the view)) hehe

**Tasuki:** If you don't shove this woman away, I'LL BURN HER TO ASHES!

**Nuriko and Chichiri:** ((drags her back to her seat)) so what is it?

**Tasuki:** ((starts breathing normally again)) I don't know! Maybe something's wrong with your thermometer or something.

**Me:** Anyway, let's move on. This question is for Chichiri.

**Chiriko:** ((whispers to Tasuki: she acts normal now.. do you think she's..?))

**Me:** Chichiri, where did you go after all of you parted in the episode whatever?

**Chichiri:** Well, I went to –

**Me:** ((shoves a cookie in his mouth))

**Chichiri:** *choke*

**Me:** Who wants a cookie?

**Tasuki:** ((whispers to Chiriko: I don't think so))

**Everyone:** ((wants to get the hell out of here))

**Chichiri:** ((recovers and swallows the remains of the cookie)) I went to the woman's hot spring and turned myself into a woman so I can join in NO DA! And then there's only one hot woman left! I turned myself back to a man and said "Hey sexy" and you know what happened next! Oh! Oh yes! Aaahhhh... NO DAAAAAA!

**Suboshi:** oh great!

**Tasuki:** The fuck? He's also allergic?

**Nuriko:** uhmm okay? What the hell is going on here?

**Me:** *blinks* my head!

**Nuriko:** Are you okay now? You ate a cookie and... y-you had allergy reactions

**Me:** Oh? I'm so sorry I did –

**Chichiri:** YES! YES! YES! Oh yeah baby! Yeah! Oooooohhhh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

**Me:** *awkward turtle* uhmm... is he... okay?

**Amiboshi:** No.

**Me:** Okay while Chichiri tries to recover on his –

**Chichiri:** OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH YEEEEESSSSSS! No daaaaaaaaaa…..

**Me:** uhmm... Anyway, let's finish this quickly because I'm hungry. This last question is for Miaka: Can you tell me how to get my hair in buns without failing?

**Miaka:** *munching* Form your hair into a bun or you could use a bowl to help you. Then spray the hairspray on your buns so it won't fall off. Then grab a bowl of glue and use a brush to apply it on your hair...

**Me:** WTF? Wait? Is she holding a cookie?

**Miaka:** Then grab another bowl of… ice cream, strawberry flavor…

**Me:** If I were you Azuna10, I won't listen to this lunatic. And who on earth puts ice cream on their hair?

**Miaka:** and put marshmallows, sprinkles, chocolate syr –

**Nuriko:** ((cover's Miaka's mouth)) just shut up okay!

**Chichiri:** Hey Miboshi!

**Miboshi**: What?

**Chichiri:** Your face reminds me of my butt! ((pulls down his pants revealing his butt)) The resemblance is uncanny no da!

**Miboshi:** What the fuck?

**Me:** okay... See yah guyz! Must end this craziness..

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><p>A.N: The next chapter will not be in a chat form anymore because I don't wanna get in trouble. Thank you for reviewing! I'm sorry; it took me so long to write this chapter because there's a lazy person inside me... I named him Bob. He's so lazy that he affects me so much!<p>

I love you guys! Thanks for reviewing! Hope yah like this chapter and the upcoming one! And special thanks to Azuna10


	5. Let's torture Tamahome!

**Interview with The Fushigi Yuugi Cast!**

**By: Amethyst Chou**

**A.N: **Minnasan Konnichiwa! Just a reminder, this chapter and the future ones would be in a paragraph form from now on. I don't know but, the feeling of breaking the rules haunts me in my dreams. Anyways, thank you for all the people who reviewed! I love you guys! And for a reward, have some cookies! ((People who reviewed: shook their head)) Hm? Okay then, more for me! I should really stop eating this crap… I'm getting chubby-er

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the following characters that would be mentioned in this story except for my OC and my narrator. Thank you very much! And for those people who wants to sue me… I hope you die. Just kidding! Here! Have some cookies! So that you're gonna be freaking FAT! Fufu!~

**Part 3: Let's torture Tamahome!**

Hello everyone. My name is Chin chin (I know, weird name), and today and all throughout this story/interview, I would be helping the author to narrate this story/interview for her so she won't get in trouble. I know, I'm such a butt saver right?

"Just get on with it!" the host yelled at me impatiently, a vein popping out on her head. "So slow men, what are you waiting for? Christmas? Oh yeah, few more days before Christmas! Woohooo!" The host cheered as a bunch of Christmas choir kids suddenly appeared in the stage. "What the fuck? Get the hell oughta here!" she yelled angrily like a mad bull seeing a busty woman wearing red dress. "Hoy you!" the bul – I-I uhh mean the author yelled at me. "Just when the hell are you going to start?" she asked as she crossed her arms. Bitch.

Okay let's start this story before I lose my patients and strangle her to death. On with the story!

"Hello everyone!" the host smiled so innocently that I just want to punch her face. Bitch. "Welcome back! and guess what? Everyone's normal again!" she said happily like a little child who got a candy for Christmas. I know what it feels (starts spacing out)

"Why's Miboshi glaring at me, no da?" the blue-haired seishi asked as he sweat dropped. Since they got here in the studio, Miboshi won't stop sending death glares at him.

"Because you told him that his face resembles your butt that you even put your pants down to prove it" Pfffahahahahaha! Ahem, sorry about that. Anyway, the host explained sweatdropping as she remembered what happened not too long ago. Chichiri gasped "Gomen ne Miboshi-san! I was high no da! Please do forgive my rude behaviour" the monk apologized. No one told him last night of such behaviour. In fact, he doesn't remember anything that happened before! What a shame for a monk to act so… so… uhmm… silly. He's a disgrace to Buddha!

"So anyway, let's move on to our interview. Our asker for today is Desert Renaissance! Her few set of questions is for Nakago" the host said and Nakago just sat there in silence, in his own world. I wonder what's in there? Full of blondes maybe? "The first question is!" the host started "Wait… actually, sorry… this is a dare" *sigh* what a dumbass, can't even tell what's the difference between a question and a dare. How ridiculously stupid. Okay, I should get back to my job because she's glaring at me. Then Nakago looked at her with those ice blue eyes and held his cold gaze towards her. The host flinch and goosebumps grew on her skin. "Eeeek! Creepy! But he's still cool! Anyway, her dare is: Please, hit Tamahome"

The blonde shogun was amused but didn't show it. He looked at Tamahome before sighing and stood up. Tamahome's eyes widened as the shogun continued his way to his prey. "Hey… hey… Hey! Stop! Get your ass back to the couch now! No –!" Tamahome was cut off when Nakago's fist met his chin and he was sent up, head stuck in the ceiling. "That blonde jerk…" Tamahome mumbled, chagrin. "Now," said the host, looking amused as Tamahome's body dangled from the ceiling "That is a very creative chandelier" she smirk. "Shut up" Tamahome mumbled angrily.

Tasuki muffled his laugh "Little ghost really does suit him" he said between his muffled laughs. Little Tasuki knows that Tamahome already landed back to earth and sneaked towards him. Before the bandit leader could react, he was sent flying up to the ceiling and his head got stuck next to the whole that Tamahome made. The bandit twitched violently "I'LL BURN YOUR ASS TAMAHOME!" the bandit yelled, chagrin. Tamahome just flashed a triumph smirk.

The host face has an evil rape face when she read the next dare. "Let's see if you can still keep that triumph smirk of yours" she mumbled to herself as she smiled her evil molester smile. That was when the little Chiriko stood up and pointed his middl– I-I mean index finger at her. Can someone please make their hand writing better? You're making me say the wrong things, sheesh!

"SHE ATE THE COOKIE!" he declared. The host just stared blankly for a moment "Chill would yah? And I didn't eat any cookie you pipsqueak!" she defended. The little genius gasped in disbelief; as if he never heard that before "Did you just called me small?" he asked in disbelief, eyes wide open. Just who the hell called this guy a genius? The host rolled her eyes "Yeah? And what can you do about it? Chihuahua?" she said. The boy just stood there, tears forming his eyes. The cruel words stabbed Chiriko's innocent (Pfffahahahahaha!) heart. The heart-less host didn't care one bit and smirked. Bitch, making a little kid cry. "So let's move on to the next _dare_ shall we?" she smiled, tilting her head "The dare is: Nakago, make Tamahome eat dirt, literally." She said as she flashed everyone her evil molester grin.

Nakago looked again at the trembling seishi, just sitting there quietly with his arms and legs crossed. Tamahome pointed a trembling index finger "Don't you dare blondie! DON'T YOU DAAAAAAARRRRREEEEEE!" he screamed. But the blonde shogun ignored his cries and grabbed him by the hair and dragged him outside the studio. "NO! No! *chokes* STOO–" was Tamahome's cries. Everyone in the studio could hear Tamahome's cry of despair.

"Is he.. Is Tamahome gonna be okay?" Miaka asked worriedly. "Sure he will!" Soi answered "He survived all Nakago's tortures before so this should be a piece of cake for him!". Humans are the cruelest being ever made.

After a few minutes, Nakago came back with a cool aura around him that made the host have a river of nosebleeds. I'm surprised she's still not dead, oh well? We're in the anime world so everything's possible. You can have multiple of nosebleeds but you're still alive.

"Where's Tamahome?" The emperor asked. "Toilet" the blonde answered as he sat back to the couch and the slu– I-I uhh mean Soi clung back to him. The heartless host smiled her evil rape face smile (after she recovered from her rounds of nosebleeds) "I love this!" she said happily.

Then the die hard fans of Tamahome yelled at the host "Hey what's going on?" the host raised an eyebrow at them. "What did you do to my Tamahome?" one of the fans asked. Let's name her, fan girl 1. Another one yelled, let's see… fan girl 2 "Hey! Who told you he's your Tamahome? He's my Tamahome!" she yelled right in front of fan girl 1's face. Then another girl stood up, fan girl 3 "Oh shut up!" she yelled as she put her hands on her waist "You two are fat morons! Of course he's mine!" she confirmed so confidently. Our brunette heroine started to twitch, she jump up from the couch and stomped over the edge of the stage where fan girl 1, 2 and 3 are. "What the hell are you talking about? Tamahome's taken! BY ME!" she yelled angrily as multiple veins pop out of her head. Then fang girl 4 joined the commotion "Oh shut up bitch! You're just a fucking idiot! Get lost!"

_SNAP_

A sound echoed through the studio, did our little miko just snapped? There was a dangerous aura surrounding Miaka, and no one dared to go near her. "W-what d-did y-you just s-said? Did you just called me a girl dog? Do I look like a dog to you? Do I huh? Do I?" she asked violently, her dark aura growing bigger. The host just watched them blankly, "What was that about?" she mumbled to herself. To everyone's surprise, (except for the host) Miaka launched herself at the four fan girls and… this is only rated T story and it's against the rules for me to describe how brutally this scene would be. So… let's move on.

Tamahome came back to the studio, spitting the things that are still stuck in his mouth. "So, how did it go?" the host asked as she rested her head on her knuckles, smirking. Tamahome had an irritated look "That jerk!" he growled "he used a shovel and shoved the dirt on my mouth! I think there was a used gum and a dog poo in it… and some unidentified things. Suboshi scoffed, "That is sure appetizing." he teased receiving an evil glare from Tamahome. "Does this desert girl hates me or something? what did I do huh? What did I do?" he asked as he sat back to the couch, frustrated.

The host shrugged her shoulders "Who knows? What do you think?" Tamahome just shrugged in annoyance "You're asking me? Hey, where's Miaka?" he asked looking around.  
>"Hey bi – I-I uhh mean Miaka! Get your ass back here!" the host called. Miaka climbed up to the stage breathing heavily with unruly hair and minor scratches. Tamahome's eyes widened "Mi-Miaka.. w-what happened?" he asked. "She had a cat fight while you rinsed your moth in the toilet" the host answered, checking her nails. Tamahome's jaw dropped to the floor as the brunette sat back next to him.<p>

Meanwhile, the fan girls that Miaka.. murdered were all lying on each other's dead body in a pile. Wow that is one… brutal priestess. So much I wanted to tell you what happened to the unfortunate fan girl.. I just can't. Author-sama would kill me. Anyway, the moral of this story is to never call a stupid girl a bitch.

"So is everyone settled in?" the host asked everyone as she rested the back of her knee on the arm lop. She then looked at the next question. Her eyes widened and a cheshire grin appeared on her face "Heh, well, well, well, Miaka this question is for you." She said sadistically looking at Miaka with her rape face. Miaka's eyes widened, somehow it made her regret agreeing in this interview. She was eating at a fast food restaurant (not naming any names.) munching a burger while she sat on this bench with a malice looking clown with a fat red asian nose. When suddenly the rapist looking clown grab her burger and took a bit then threw it behind his shoulders. He then grabbed Miaka and tossed her on his shoulder and started skipping. That is how Miaka ended up here in the studio.

The host was smiling a sinister smile as she read out the question "So Miaka, how would Nakago look if he's naked? I'm curious myself." She sat properly on her couch. Miaka bit her lip looking for an excuse "D-did you eat cookies?" with that, she received a glare from the author "Stop. Changing. The. Topic." She ordered in a murderous tone. Miaka flinched "W-well h-how should I know? I haven't seen" she glanced at Nakago "him.. err.. naked before.." she stammered, playing with the hem of her skirt. "I don't care! Just answer the question! Just imagine him in the hot spring, okay? Then because of your stupid clumsiness you accidentally opened the door leading to the men's hot spring! You were on the floor, then you look up, that was when you saw his –" she was interrupted by the nose bleeding of Tasuki "Just shut up will yah!" he roared, his face as red as the smacked bottom of Taiitsukun. The host waved at him to go away.

"Why would I imagine him naked?" Miaka started, getting everyone's attention back to her "and besides, I have Tamahome!" she said proudly.

The host gave her an unbelieving look "Pfft! wait" she reached behind her _TheGangstah _couch and got some water and drank it "Pfffffffffffffttttttttt!" she blew the water out of her mouth. Tomo with a shocked expression wiped his face down with his hand. Which made his make up go shitting down his face "Why did you do that for?" he asked angrily. "That's what I can say about Miaka's answer" she answered as she did a pose like those news anchors. "Yeah but.. why my face? HELLO! I'm like in the farthest person from you!" he yelled in range. Poor, poor faggot. The host started twiddling with her thumbs "B-because your gay and people will give me more reviews because they think it's funny?" she explained as she sheepishly smiled which caused Tomo to send death glares at her.

The host sighed and cracked his neck which startled Miaka "jest tell me, JUST FREAKING TELL ME OKAY! I do know what you were thinking when you first saw him!" the host said as she smiled and raised her eyebrows up and down. Miaka's eyes widened "Y=you did? Eeeeeeeeeeehhhhhh? Oh my!" she exclaimed as her cheeks turned red as McDonald's fat asian nose. "B-but!" she stammered, but the host waved it off. Then the host gave her a serious look "If you don't answer now and waste the word limit in this chapter, I will say it instead" she deadpanned, pure seriousness emitting on her words. Miaka looked down, now her face looks like a tomato that grew a face "I-I think h-he would be… h-hot" she confessed clenching the hem of her skirt.

The host gave her an irritated look "Dude, you have to say it with feelings men. FEELINGS I TELL YOU! Then you get that feeling and you mold it into a feeling…" while she said that everyone gave her a blank stare and a chirping cricket on the background "…and then .. and.. uhmm.. and.. y-you put it up your ass – " she was cut off when the girl exploded. "Okay fine! He's hot! HE'S HOT!" the host was taken aback as she was forced to leaned down on her couch "whoa, WHOA! Calm down men! So excited" she said as she shook her head "and by the way, have you heard something cracked awhile ago? I think that was a heart – " she was cut of by Miaka. "Waah! Tamahome! I'm so sorry!" she cried as her full panic mode turned on. "…or the egg that I sat on. Oh shit! My butt's wet!" she exclaimed as she felt the liquid substance wet her ass.

Tamahome had a sad puppy look and ignored Miaka for awhile. The host had a mocking sad look on her face "Aww it's okay Tama." She said in a false concern words "Don't worry we'll make that sad kicked puppy face of yours worse – I-I uhh mean better (for me). So anyway, the last question is for….!" The host started to announce. Miaka had her fingers crossed "please not me.. please not me.. please not me!" she mumbled. Tamahome also had his fingers crossed "Please not Nakago! Please not Nakago!" he mumbled. "…. Is for Miaka" the host finished giving everyone her evil molester grin. Miaka turned blue in shock and the host snickered "I love my job" she mumbled to herself.

Yui interrupted the host from her evil schemes thoughts "What do you get from this anyway? You don't get money so why trouble yourself doing this interview and leave us alone? She asked more like a statement. The host lifted her index finger with a proud I-just-molested-your-dog smile "Because first of all, I LOVE torturing people. Secondly, I love getting reviews because it makes me feel loved." She explained. "Heh" Chiriko laughed "I see, because no one LIKES you!" he teased. The host had a blank look on her face "Chiriko, have you ever dreamed of having kids someday?" the host asked. The little kid (ha ha) got lost for a moment "Yeah.. why?"he asked quizzically "Because if you won't stop, I'll grind that little sausage of yours in a sawmill." She said murderously but with a bright I-will-rape-the-crap-oughta-you smile. The kid was stunned for a moment.

The host let out a deep frustrated sigh "Okay, let's go back to where we left off. Thanks to Yui and Chiriko for making me work longer than usual. So Miaka, and please don't make me REPEAT the question. Miaka, does Nakago have a better body than Tamahome?" she asked with a frowned smile on her face. Soi raised her hand "Can I answer that question?" she asked. "Yes… if you're Miaka" the host answered which caused the maroon haired woman to pout like a duck's beak. A stress mark throbbed on the host's forehead, getting annoyed "C'mon! let's get this over with! I'm so damn tired and wanna go home and eat my curry flavoured cookie!" the host yelled, frustrated. "Why's the question always has to be something that involves Nakago and hurting Tamahome's feelings? Do I really have to answer that?"

"Yes, because if you don't, the readers will sue me" she deadpanned. When all of a sudden Chiriko stood up pointing an accusing finger at her "SUE HER! SUE HER!" he snapped. The host took a deep breath "I don't want to change the genre of this story into violence. Now Chiriko, this would be your last warning. I'm hungry and sleepy, so please behave yourself. I will not tolerate such behaviour, am I understood?" the host told him with a dark murderous aura emitting behind her. Chiriko sat down and controlled the urge to pee in his pants. "Now," the host spoke and changed her mood "will you please answer the question?" the host pleaded. Miaka crossed her arms "NO!" she yelled, like a little fat kind with a bad haircut that made him look like a dickhead, in a tantrum. Ten throbbing vein marks appeared on the host's head "Just answer the simple question! Okay! Here, yes is the answer! See I already told you the answer!" she yelled. "But that's not – " Miaka protested. "Waaaaahhh! Shuttup! Shuuttup! If you don't answer RIGHT NOW! You're going to fast for the whole week!" she yelled as she gasped for air. Miaka's eyes widened "O-okay" she said as she bit her lip "Be honest" the host told her "Don't choose someone because you don't want them to feel bad. And I'm not naming anyone" she said with a very innocent look, like a little girl who said she didn't eat the chocolate while her face was stained with chocolate.

Miaka took a deep breath and answered "Yes" she bit her lip. The host pouted and had a false sad expression "Aww, it's okay Tama" she said mockingly. Miaka had tears in her eyes as she looked at Tamahome "I'm so sorry Tamahome! I just have to say the truth!" she explained but Tamahome just looked away and didn't say any word. Hey Tama! You wanna go out with me tonight? My treat! Oh, whoops, back to the interview. "Oooh, harsh! Silent treatment!" the host laughed hitting the side of her couch. "Tamahome please! I'm so sorry!" Miaka pleaded with watery eyes. the host calmed down "Do you know what Tama feels right now? It's like: who's sexier? Me or Miaka? And of course, Tama chose me because your fat. What would you feel?" she explained, mostly just to mock her. Miaka raised an eyebrow "Why you? Why not Yui inste – "

"Oh shut up!" the host cut off "I wanna finish this show! That's all for today people! Hoo! So long chapter men! I should be paid for this. See yahs!" the host waved goodbye.

And that's all for today my dear readers. I hope you enjoyed it. Until next time!

A.N: Can't do it anymore… so damn tired! Sorry people if some of your questions have to wait. I have so many things to do ahem ahem ahem BULLSHIT ahem ahem. Anyway, so is the paragraph form alright? Oh please do tell me! I love you guys and please do review and give me more work to do! Well, not a lot. I really wanna know what you guys think about this. See yah guys! Minnasan, sayonara!


	6. The Evil Author

**Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi Cast!**

**By: Amethyst Chou**

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><p><strong>A.N:<strong> Sorry guys! I'm so sorry to hold some of your questions for a while! Gomen ne! But anyway, here's another chapter, just for you guys! Please read! Review and eat some cookies! YAY! I'm sorry.. I'm a cookie obsessed moron. *sigh*

By the way, I noticed that I made some mistakes on my previous chapter. Eh, sorry. Didn't see it. I was in a hurry you see, and I must put it up before Christmas! And I can't update sooner because I don't have my laptop and I'm just borrowing my uncle's so.. yeah. Sorry!

Anyway, here it is! Please do tell me what you think! Tell me if you like the chat form better or the paragraph form. And sorry if there's some mistakes. I'm kinda bad at grammar.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Getting annoyed with this thing. I don't own anything! Well, except for the studio and my crews. I also do not own Sebastian Michaelis from Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji. Because apparently we haven't agreed on any contract yet. I asked him if he could be my one hell of a boyfriend but he said it's not worth his salt. I'm like what the fuck? How much is salt cost now anyway?

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><p><strong>Part 4: The Evil Author<strong>

Hello everyone! And welcome back to our show! As you can see, our host is in her… hyper mode. "Cookies! Cookies! Oh how I love cookies! Cookies! Cookies! How I lo – " she stopped when she felt everyone staring blankly at her. She scratched the back of her head and laughed nervously "Oh, hehe. I didn't know we're already starting.." she straightened her back and brightly smiled "Hello everyone! Nice tah see yah again! Today, we're gonna – " her sentence came in an abrupt stop when she started snoring.

Yui came up to her and started poking her arm "Uhmm.. is she okay?" she asked as she continued poking her. Annoyance appeared on the host's face and she whip her arm to the side hitting Yui in the face.

Suboshi stood up in outrage "I'm gonna shove her face in the blender! – " he screamed in outrage but was stopped by his twin brother.

"Please Suboshi" his brother pleaded, he looked at the others "Somebody wake her up!"

Before anyone could hit a chair, a car, a table, a… chainsaw(?) on the sleeping host, Chiriko stood up to stop them. "No! We won't! I have an idea!" the other's put the things that they were about to use to wake the host up, down. "Can anyone carry this woman to the backstage?" both Mitsukake and Tasuki volunteered and stood up and dragged away the sleeping host.

Hotohori had a worried expression on his pretty-boy face "But with the host asleep, who would continue this interview?"

Nuriko stood up from his seat, spotlight lighting down on him "I will! I'll do it your majesty!" he blurted out, determination in his voice. Hotohori smiled and tilted his head "That would be great Nuriko" he said as sparkles appeared in the background, blood showered on the audience as the Hotohori's fan girls started nosebleeding. Typical humans. Oooooohhh! So blooodey!

Nuriko changed his outfit into a semi-formal clothes and stood up near the audience. "Hi everyone!" he said lively as he held the microphone, winking at the audience.

"Hiiiii!" replied the audience enthusiastically.

"Can you go out with me?" one of the fan girls screamed at Nuriko.

Nuriko laughed "Sorry, I'm taken" he answered as he blushed slightly.

Nuriko's fan girls' eyes grew wide and their jaws dropped to the ground "WHO?"

Nuriko winked at them "Can't tell! Now, are you guys all good?"

"YYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!" the audience roared.

"Thank you for supporting our show until now. And for that, all of you will go home with a free Fushigi Yuugi album!" he declared making the audience go crazy screaming at each other's faces.

The host suddenly woke up and hurriedly went to the stage "I WANT ONE TO – " before she could finish, Yui and Miaka both hit her in the head with a chair and dragged her out of the stage.

Chiriko rubbed his palm together, and had an evil look on his face. "Hehe, everything is going on what's planned. Bwahahahahahaha!" evil kid! I kick your ass!

"Let me hear you scream!" Nuriko put hsis hand behind his earshell.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" the audience screamed.

"Let me hear you shout!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**And after 30 minutes of yelling and shouting.**

"Let me hear you squeal!"

The audience opened their mouth but no voice came out. Poor beings.

"Oops" Nuriko said as his surroundings grew quiet "I think I went overboard"

"Finally it stop!" Amiboshi blurted sighing "My ears were about to explode!" Yeah me too. I'm surprised the host is still asleep. But I hope she's dead! *smiles innocently*

Nuriko glared back at Amiboshi "Now you know what I feel when I hear that stupid flute of yours!" he yelled at Amiboshi's face.

"Well! For your information, everyone thinks that I play wonderful! Even his majesty thinks it's good! Unlike you! No one even likes your voice!

"Excuse me! But my fans loves it!"

"I don't care! You've been voiced by a woman! How gay is that?"

Nuriko's eye twitched as he cracked his knuckles "I show you who's gay!"

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><p>While the commotion is happening on stage, little that they know that the host is waking up. Oh no! Somebody! Fuck her now! She's waking up!<p>

"Hey, you do know I can hear you, right?" the host asked me as she glared at me. Eh? Whoops! I forgot!

The host held her head and hissed "Agh! My head… fufu! Anyway, what the fuck happened here? Oh shit! I have a migraine as fat as Buddha! What the hell is going on out there?"

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><p>Meanwhile.. on the stage.<p>

"I'll kick your li'l ass boy!" Nuriko yelled, chagrined, a vein mark throbbing on his forehead.

"Not until I play my wicked flute on you, you fag!" just as about Amiboshi's gonna put the flute on his lips, it was taken rudely by the host. Oh no, Godzilla's back.

The host gave everyone an intense glare, so intense! That all it needs is a laser beam to melt someone on the spot. I wanna have one of those! "What the fuck is happening here?" the host growled "I demand a fucking answer NOW!" she roared as she loomed at the cast, dark murderous aura emitting behind her. Everyone backed away and sweated nervously as the host turned on her Godzilla mode. Wow! She's breathing out fire! "Who the hell put a sleeping potion in my COOKIIEE!" she roared again breathing fire at them.

Because of fear, everyone pointed at Chiriko who slowly tiptoed towards the exit. "Heh." The host smirked "Well, well, well! As expected, it was the Chihuahua! Now," she grinned evilly as she sat back on her _TheGangstah!_ Couch. "I wanna play game"

Yui whispered to Miaka "Doesn't she sounds like Jigzaw? from movie Saw?" Miaka nodded as they both looked at the evil host oddly.

"You've been a menace in this interview. And because of this sin – I have put you through this test!" the host declared, in her Jigzaw mode. Yeah.. menace.. right.

Chiriko glared at the Host "What sins did I do huh?"

"You're small and I don't like you" she said as she smiled brightly. That made Chiriko twitched in anger. "But first! Let's finish the interview!" everyone just gave her a blank stare. "You can all sit down now" all the cast sat down on their respective places on the couch.

"Our asker for today is WeirdRaptor again, hi!" the host smiled and waved her hand. Hi WeirdRaptor! Welcome back!

"Hi stalker!" Tomo squealed as he sent a flying kiss to WeirdRaptor. Run! You might get contaminated by his fagness!

"Uhhh.. okay? The question is for Tasuki" the host said.

Tomo's eye's widened "WHAT? I thought she likes me?"

"As I said, no one likes you FAG!" Soi screamed at him.

"Oh shut up you whore! Like you should be talking!"

"Well Nakago likes me." Soi rubbed her words on Tomo's face. Ooooohhh! Harsh!

"Traitor! Hmp!" Tomo grumbled, crossing his arms, pouting.

"Well, how ga – " the host was rudely interrupted when the tall doctor spoke.

"Where's Chiriko?" he asked.

The host glared at him "D-Did you just interrupted the evil overhost? I RAPE YOU!" she growled that startled everyone.

"Gyah! I-I was just c-concered" Mitsukake explained nervously.

The host rolled her eyes "He's over there, with the wolf fag" the host answered, chagrined.

All Suzaku seishis and their priestess whipped their heads to the host with shocked expressions "WHAT?" they all screamed in unison.

"What?" the host asked like she just did something normal "They're both dogs so they should get along! I think Miaka should join them" she said as she mumbled the last part.

Ashtare on the other hand, was looking at Chiriko as he drooled and licked his lips. Chiriko went to the farthest corner, away from the wolf "M-mummy..!" he cried.

The host waved her hand lazily, waving the situation off "Don't worry! He'll be fine! Let's get on with this.

Dear Tasuki, do you see what I see? Do you know what I know? Do you hear what I hear?"

Tasuki had a WTH look on his face "The fuck? What the hell is this? Some fucking Christmas carol or something?"

"Just answer the question Suki" the host deadpanned.

"How the hell shoud I know?" he screamed that shook the ceiling. "Why is that every question I get doesn't make sense? And did you just called me Suki?"

"Yes I did sweety!" the host squealed.

"Uggghhhh! Damn this author who made this interview!

*Eyes widened* D-did he just curse the Author? Waaaahhhh! I can't believe I heard that! Someone's gonna die tomorrow or temporarily traumatized. Then the studio's lights dimmed and smoke appeared below.

The host gripped her _I Love Cookies Because your fat_ cookie jar and shove cookies in her mouth "Oh no Tasuki," she muffled that sounded like "Oh hoe Hauki". "I'll go visit you to the mental hospital tomorrow" so hard to translate! All she was saying was "Hay goat vashit uk toe tah mehntol hoshital ftomorfow" see? So hard! I even tried using Google translate but you know what it told me? "What the fuck is the language you're talking bitch? Even I can understand baby talk" Well! It isn't my fault! It was that fucking bitch fault - ! Ahem, anyway, I need to buy a new laptop.

Tasuki slightly panicked "Wh-what.. what did I do?" he stammered looking around. "Something bad is gonna happen here! I can feel it!"

All of a sudden, the host wore a really cute cookie monster costume. "You have spoken harsh words towards the almighty Author-sama!" she declared with a serious expression, still holding her cookie jar.

"Y-you mean you're not the author?" Tamahome asked.

The host narrowed her eyes "Nope! And I swear! She's way more cruel than me! You're all gonna freaking die!

Loud motors could be heard from the floor. Then a spotlight lightened the center of the stage, which drew everyone's attention since it's dark and no one could see a thing. So all the people who had phobia in the dark got their asses out of the studio and went to the "Bright side".

The host, who still wore the cookie monster costume, put some leaves on her head which looked like a crown, a Hawaiian flower necklace, and a skirt made out of leaves. She started dancing like those native people dancing around the bonfire. "Hana maganda! Hana maganda! Hana maganda! Ole! Ole! Ole!" she chanted as she continued dancing.

A huge computer chair ascended from the floor which it's back facing everyone. It turned, revealing a girl with black glasses. She wore a _I'll make you fat_ shirt and pink pajama matching fluffy pink bunny sleepers. She narrowed her eyes at everyone which made everyone shudder. "Who has rudely spoken to the great Author-sama?" she deadpanned, her voice was calm but very authoritative.

The host who got lost in her chanting and dancing continued and didn't know what everyone was looking at her oddly "…. hana magand – " she stopped when the Author chucked her laptop on her face, which will make the host rest in peace…. For awhile.

"Now, who would answer my question and I might spare them some mercy" she asked, now holding up her monitor with one hand.

Tasuki stepped in, took a deep breath and spoke "It is I, Aladi – I-I mean Tasuki! Whatcha gonna do about it? Bitch!" oh no Tasuki. Tsk! Tsk! See you in afterlife!

The author smirked "I like it how your foul mouth works!" she said as she leaned her head on her knuckles. "Truly amusing."

"All she needed now is a pet cat on her lap" she mumbled to herself as she looked away. Then all of a sudden, a black cat appeared and jumped up at the author's lap and the author caressed the cat's soft black fur. Then a tall black figure appeared behind the author's side. It turned out to be a butler. A young, tall, drop dead sexy butler, smirking. *sigh* I wish I could have a butler like that.

"Nevermind" Yui mumbled again, sweatdropping.

Nuriko raised his hand and the author looked at him emotionlessly. "Uhh.. o-one question.."

The host narrowed her eyes "What?"

Nuriko stiffened in his spot "If I may ask, I know you're the author – "

"It's Great Author to you mortal" she interrupted him.

"Riiight.. uhmm Great Author but.. who exactly are you?"

"Your worst nightmare" the author answered dark aura around her.

Everyone had a blank stare and turned into stone.

"I was kidding" the author told them humorlessly. She had a serious expression that no one could tell if she's really joking or not. Everyone just laughed nervously sweat dropping. Haha! I find that really funny!

"I will make your nightmares true!" she declared smirking widely.

"Is that a joke too?" Miaka asked smiling.

"No" she answered.

"Oh…"

The author turned to look at Tasuki again "Now Tasuki! For you have defiled the Great Author-sama , I shall punish you!"

"Pfft! I don't care!" Tasuki yelled "I'm a real man! And a real man can handle anything!"

The author grinned, amused "Sebastian!" she called her butler.

The butler bowed, putting his hand above his chest where his "heart" lies "Your orders, great mistress" the butler answered in a so sexy way! Hmm! Yummey!

"Bring this mortal to room G7" the author ordered leaning back on her chair.

The butler smiled "As you wish, my mistress" with that he jumped up and landed in front of Tasuki gracefully. All fan girls watched in astonishment, unblinking with their mouths open. You might want to close your mouth! A fly might enter your – told yah. Then the butler started dragging the oh-so-manly Tasuki off the stage.

When they heard the door closed. There was a second of silence when..

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" when they heard Tasuki screamed bloody murder. His very "manly" high pitched screams continued . "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Lemme out! HEEEEELPPP! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Hotohori stood up from the couch, can no longer bear the screams of his friend. "What is happening? What are you doing to our friend?" he pulled his sword from its sheath and pointed it towards the author.

"Sebastian" the author called.

As quick as a flick of a finger the butler came and bent the sword with his bare hands.. smiling. How awesome is that? Everyone gasped and gaped as they watched what was going on.

Finally, the host awakened and sat back on her couch "Okay guys, if I were you, and I'm happy I'm not, Do. Not. Do. Anything" she suggested.

Miaka took a deep breath and raised her hand, she's still the priestess afterall.. it's her duty to take care of her seishis. "m-may I ask you, what's in the room where you put Tasuki in?" she asked.

"In a room full of annoying girls, the room Girls 7, also known as, G7. I've gathered all the annoying girls in the whole world and put them in that room." She answered, not all too concerned.

"Ooooohhh! Harsh!" Suboshi commented.

The author smirked "That's how evil I am. I am simply one hell of a writer. I can decide on what will happened to the characters in my story. I, The great Author-sama, will decide your fate. If I can't do simple things like that, I am not worth my salt."

"Ooooohhh, what a shame" the Host teased sticking her tongue out.

"Including you" the author added. Haha! In your face! SUCKER!

"Why do I have to feel your wrath too?" the host whined.

The author smirked "You're in my story too, so SUFFER!" with that she descend back down with her cat and butler. As soon as she disappeared, everything went back to normal again.

"Curse you Tasuki" the host grumbled as she crossed her arms, pouting.

"I'm quite worried about Tasuki.. is he gonna be alright, no da?" the monk asked worriedly.

The host shrugged her shoulders "Who knows? I'm not the one whose writing the story!"

"I really thought you're the author." Tomo commented, pouting "And jeez, she's scary!"

"I can't host a show and write a story at the same time! Sheesh! Do you know how bad I am at multitasking? Where did my cookies go?" she looked around "Anyways, see yah guys!"

"GET ME OUT OF HEEEEEERRRRREEEEEEE!"

"Who's that?" the host asked, looking around. "Oh well" she said shrugging.

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><p><strong>A.N:<strong> So how's that? Please tell me! And by the way, there's addition! Sebastian Michaelis! You can also send him some questions if you like. He would truly love it and might change his mind in eating your soul.

Special thanks to WeirdRaptor! You rock dude! Haha!

Please do continue to review and add this to your FAVS and ALERT majigys. Truly appreciated! Love u guys! Really!

Sorry for the slow review. A huge writter's black is forming in my head now! Uuhhwaaahh!~

If u guys are really kind and have a very soft heart, please do send me some suggestions. I would truly appreciate it.

Please review guys! And don't forget to vote for your favourite characters! Jaaa!~


	7. Farting is a SIN!

**Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi Cast!**

**By: Black Michaelis**

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><p><strong>B.N: <strong>As you can all see, I have changed my profile name because I feel like it. And I have read my previous chapter and WHOA! I made some spelling mistakes! I'm so sorry! Didn't see it! Because sometimes I have to hurry typing because I'm really busy. So sorry!

By the way, I'm gonna write in chat form again b-because I'm.. because I'm.. leshy… fine! Because I'm LAAAZZYYY! Yes! I'm a very lazy person! Hahaha!

**Author:** You're fired! Now get your ass oughta here!

**Narrator: **What? But I'm doing my job perfect –

**Author: **Ah shut up shut up! You waste mah time woman! Now fuck off!

**Narrator**: *sobs*

**Host:** *evil cackle*

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own FY. I also do not own Sebastian Michaelis from Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji too. And the songs that will be sung don't belong to me. But I do own a large headache!

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><p><strong>Part 5: Farting is a SIN!<strong>

**Host:** Hi *yawns* guys.. I'm so sorry. I'm so tired I *yawns* 'm so sleepy. Can you see these fat eye-bags here? Oh men, I'm dying… I'm dying! Aaaaggghhh! Aaaagghhh! I see the light! Oh! I see the light! Where's the fat Buddha? AAAhhh! An angel! Oooohh! The angel's sexy! Hey angel! You duh sexy! *whistles*

**Everyone:** *stares blankly*

**Nuriko:** This is bad… she's hallucinating.

**Host:** I wanna make love like NA NA NA!

**Tasuki (in the dark corner):** *hugging his knees and rocks back and forth* I don't wanna see freaking girl.. don't wanna be with freaking girls.. Wahahahaha! *laughs and cries at the same time*

**Author:** *ascends from the floor and throws her keyboard at the host*

**Host:** Hoy.. Hoy! Who did that?

**Author:** Stop slacking will you? The next time you slack off, I'm gonna throw my CPU on you!

**Host:** *teary eyes* I'm sorry! I'm sorry! *recovers* Anyway, to prevent me from slacking off; let's go on with the interview. Our first asker for today is FightingAngel7012! Hi *yawns* the first question is for.. *snores*

**Chichiri:** Can someone wake her up, no da?

**Chiriko:** I'll do it! *starts slapping her and splash mango juice on her face*

**Host:** *snores* hkhkgjgiu.. Fuck you.. I.. bswibhnjsohh.. chop your spring roll off.. hguhughguh.. *snores*

**Mitsukake:** She's still sleeping.

**Sebastian:** *comes to the studio and leans down on the host* Wake up Abby-sama.

**Host:** ..smkjnxdehciuh.. huh? What? *wakes up* S-Se-Sebastian! Wha-what are you doing here? *blush*

**Sebastian:** I just want to wake you up so you won't get in trouble with Author-sama.

**Host:** Oh Bassy! How thoughtful of you to be so concerned!~~

**Sebastian:** *smiles and puts his hand on his chest* I'm just one hell of a butler. I just don't want any blood spilled all over the floor when I clean up later. Especially on the expensive couch, I had troubles getting it for my mistress.

**Host:** (fuck you) *pouts* I see. You just care about your chores and not me! Hmp! How rude!

**Sebastian:** Oh please do forgive my rude behaviour. I'm just a mere butler who wants what's best for my mistress.

**Host:** *rolls her eyes* yeah, yeah. Now shoo! Before I can stop myself from the urge of raping you.

**Sebastian:** *sweat-drops* eh, as you wish, Host-sama. *leaves*

**Soi:** He's a cutie pie!

**Tomo:** I know!

**Soi:** *glares* shuttup homo!

**Host:** That jerk! If I get my hands on him! *evil molester cackle* I'll eat him like my cookie! Mmmmm.. yummey. *loud licking and sucking of lips* I wanna drink his SWEATS!

**Chiriko:** What do you call those young people who desire those people who are older than them?

**Chichiri:** Hmm.. I don't know Chiriko. But I do know pedophiles no da!

**Host:** …. And lick him like a melted ice cream! – … Hey, what were you guys talking about?

**Chiriko & Chichiri:** Oh nothing! (, no da!)

**Host:** So, the first question is for Tamahome –

**Tamahome:** YES! What is it? Come on! Let me get back to that jerk! Come on! What do I have to do?

**Host:** Kiss Nakago on the lips and have tongue wrestling.

**Tamahome:** *turns blue* WHHAAAAATTT?

**Host:** I was joking! Hahahaha! I love making fun of you! Tee hee hee!

**Tamahome:** Hoy! Don't you tee hee hee me! That was so not funny! Not funny at all!

**Host:** *Lmao* A-anyway, it's a question Tamahome. What would you do if Miaka would get killed?

…_. Awwwkkkwwaaaarrddd Siiilllleeeeennnnccceeeee …._

**Tamahome:** *serious mode* I-I would…

**Nuriko:** *sympathy look* Tamahome…

**Tamahome:** I-I would go partying all night BABE!

**Nuriko:** *turns into a stone*

**Host:** Yeah! Don't forget to invite me okay?

**Miaka:** *slaps Tamahome* I hate you!

**Tamahome:** I-I was just joking Miaka..

**Miaka:** Joke or not, you still hurt me Tamahome!

**Tasuki:** *paranoid* Aaaah! I'm surrounded by bitches!

**Host:** *whispers to Tasuki* It's a bad time to freak out Tasuki. Be quiet, I'm watching a Japanese drama.

**Tamahome:** Look Miaka, I didn't mean to. I was just joking. And come on! It was just a little revenge from what you did to me before.

**Miaka:** I-I still hate you! You always do this to me! Wh-why, why –

**Miboshi:** *farts and looks away*

**Host:** Who did that? Who ruined the moment huh? Who did it? You can't handle the truth! Oh men! *covers her nose* that fragrant can kill one thousand people!

**Miboshi:** Phew.. I know right.

**Host:** *narrows eyes dangerously* I shall find out the culprit. Whoever did that *raise a balloon full of fart behind her couch) shall smell all of this.

**Miboshi:** *eyes widens* Oh muffins.

**Host:** Okay, while I find out who it is.. we will continue our interview. Yui.

**Yui:** Yeah?

**Host:** Why were you quick to judge Miaka?

**Yui:** *sad look* I've been asking myself the same question. Everytime I remember my journey in the world of the Four Gods.. I was so ashamed of myself. How could I turn my back on my bestfriend? After all those years we've been through together, I can't believe I let myself get manipulated by Nakago.

**Suboshi:** *rubs Yui's back* Lady Yui, please don't cry.

**Host:** *sniffing and watery eyes* Hey! Who put onions here?

**Yui:** Though Miaka already forgave me, I still feel guilty for what I've done to her. I even tried to kill her!

**Host:** Yui..

**Yui:** *sniff* yeah?

**Host:** uhh… Oops! I forgot what I'm going to say. Just go on.

**Yui:** When I heard Miaka told Tamahome that she came back for him, I-I thought she ONLY came back for him. So I felt hurt and betrayed and because of that misunderstanding, I let myself get manipulated by Nakago….

**Host:** (spacing out mode: singing) How? How could you say you love me? When you would go and leave me, how could you make me hurt so bad? When I have loved you more than anyone can do. Can't believe the pain. That I'm feeling now because of loving you!~

**Amiboshi:** *gape* Whoa! I didn't know she can sing!

**Yui:** … I was filled with hatred that I no longer care what will happen to Miaka.

**Host:** And I am so sick of love songs, so tired of tears! –

**Yui:** Were you listening me?

**Host:** Yes, I was.

**Yui:** What did I just said?

**Host:** You explained what photosynthesis is!

**Yui:** That's not what I said!

**Host:** You say this, you say that! I don't care! You fucking waste my time.

**Yui:** *throbbing vein mark*

**Host:** Ho kay, back to the matters at hand. Who the fuck farted? I will not let that rudeness to pass!

**Miboshi:** Pffftt! It's just a fart! Don't make it such a big deal!

**Host:** *narrows eyes* no one is going home until I found the criminal.

**Tomo:** You're making it sound that farting is a crime.

**Host:** Because it is! Did you know that in Madagascar, they used farting to explode an airport!

**Miaka:** Is there even an airport in Madagascar?

**Host:** Yes, for animals.

**Yui:** Was that even true?

**Host:** Ho yes!

**Tamahome:** Hoy, stop saying ho, Soi might get offended. Ahahahaha!

**Soi:** *glares*

**Tamahome:** *got struck by lightning*

**Chiriko:** Stop saying such stupid lies!

**Host:** Chiriko, was it you?

**Chiriko:** Me? Why me? I hate you and you hate me, but that doesn't mean I'm the one who farted!

**Host:** If no one's going to admit their SIN. I want all of you to point to whoever you think did it.

**Cast:** *points at Ashtare*

**Ashtare:** I didn't do it! It was Miboshi! I smelled it!

**Host:** I kill you; I kill him I don't care! You both fucking waste my time. I wanna go home!

**Miboshi:** *snickers*

**Host:** This Ashtare *raise the fart balloon* will be your new oxygen!

**Ashtare:** *jaw drops*

**Host:** You're gonna freaking die! Nya ha ha ha ha! Bye!

* * *

><p><strong>B.N: <strong>I got the balloon fart idea from a YouTube video about this Japanese game.. I forgot what it's called but I laughed my ass off men! I'm sorry if sometimes it isn't really that funny because I'm running out of inspiration. I almost watched all the funny video compilations in YouTube. *sigh* and it's school break so I'll type and type because when the school starts.. DUN DUN DUN! I'll have less time doing my stories.

Oh yeah, and if you get bored waiting for my update, you guys can read my other stories. (P.S: they suck. And the grammar men! Jeez! My grandmother can do bettah!) but try. Or you guys can visit my profile whatever which I update rarely.

Oh yeah, guys! I'm going to need a new host but I can't find one (or make up one). This is a challenge! PM me or put it on a review okay?

First: Create a name

Second: Personality

Thirdly: A thing that they're addicted to

Forth: catch/favorite phrases

It must be creative! I'm going to choose whoever's DAH BEST and will have the chance to be a part of the story/interview for one or two chapters! This is your chance to shine people! And you'll get a free virtual cookie! (Seriously, I'll give you one. I promise.)

See yah guys!


	8. Visiting A New Dimension!

**Interview With The Fushigi Yuugi Cast!**

**By: Black Michaelis**

* * *

><p><strong>B.N:<strong> Heya! Whazzup bros? I had a sad happy new year this year.. it was not happy! It was like happy crappy new year to me. You know why? Someone stole my Christmas money. Yes! Someone who really loves me stole my money. When we're on our way home, I checked my wallet to count my money but then… IT WAS RAPTURED. The only thing left there are few coins and a note saying "I left you some coins.. crappy new year to you.. BITCH! Go buy yourself a pocky." you know what my reaction was? I started laughing. Yes, laughing like a maniac. I was like "Ahahaha! My money's gone! Ahahaha! And look! At least they left some coins for me to buy a pocky! Ahahahaha!" and my family were staring at me. I was happy in the inside but.. I was dying in the inside. I was full laughing that there were tears in my eyes.. but not of joy.. but sadness, despair, and angst. If you love me, please donate some money for the poor author *puppy dog eyes*

Happy Crappy New Year To Me… T^T

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><p><strong>Host:<strong> *pokerface* What do you want? I'm broke.

**Narrator:** No

**Host:** If you work again for me, I'll give Sebastian to you for a day and you could do anything you wa –

**Narrator:** OKAY I ACCEPT!

**Host:** NUUUUUUUUU! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEEEHHHHHH! Sebastiiiiiaaaaaannnn!

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> The author doesn't own the characters and people that would be mentioned in this story. They belong to their rightful owners. She only owns this crackfic story and a psycho perverted host and the narrator and a pocky.

* * *

><p><strong>Part 6: Visiting A New Dimension<strong>

Hi everyone! Guess who's back? Me! Haha! Okay let's start this crap, I still have a date with Sebby!

"Hi everyone!" the host greeted happily "Today, as you can see I'm dressed as – "

"Me" Sebastian cut her off as he narrowed his eyes. So that's where his other pair of uniform went.

The Host's eye twitched and yelled "Can you please stop interrupting the Evil Overhost? I rape you!" she growled.

"Why are you dressed as me?"

"Nothing. Because I'm bored. And my cookie shirts are in the laundry so… yeah."

Sebastian sighed "Please don't ruin my image because" he smiled brightly causing all fan girls to shield their eyes and blood spurt out of their noses "I will not be a one hell of a butler if my reputation get damage by a stupid host like you."

The host had a blank look then she smiled her rapeface smile "Oh is that so" she chuckled evilly "Then I would give you one hell of a shame."

"Then I would give you one hell of a death"

The Host gasped "Oh really? Then I would give you one hell – " she was rudely interrupted again when the bandit leader stood up.

"WILL YOU PLEASE STOP WITH THIS HELLS?" he yelled in annoyance. Sebastian sighed again wondering what he had done wrong to deserve to come across these stupid, brainless and ludicrous human beings and walked out.

The Host rolled her eyes muttering something under her breath about humping someone. "Anyway, let's move on to our interview. Our asker for today is Akimoto Tsubaki again! Welcome back! Say hi everyone!"

The cast sighed "hi…" they greeted boredly. The Host creased her eyebrows "My banana goodness you guys! Show some enthusiasm!"

Suboshi groaned "Can we just get on with it? I really need to go to the toilet!" he complained as he tried to hold his yellow liquid. The Host sighed in defeat "Fine, fine. Okay" the Host agreed. I'm bored, who wants to sleep with me?

In a dark room where everyone was prohibited by the Author-sama to enter was a small kid, grinning like a manic as he stared at the flashy buttons before him. "Oooohh! So many flashy buttons!" he said in excitement and amusement.

Back to the studio.

The Host looked around and sniffed the air. She couldn't see the midget warrior. "Where's Chiriko?" she asked. Everyone looked at her.

Back to the control room.

Chiriko put his index finger to his chin, thinking deeply. "Which one should I choose? there's so many to choose from. I wonder what is this big blue button and this big red button does?"

Back to the studio.

Amiboshi raised his hand smiling "Here!" everyone just stared at him blankly. The Host facepalmed herself and used her extending metal fly swatter to whack Amiboshi in the head "My dear audience, we have a person here who has character crisis. Really, where did that midget go?" and yes, she has an awesome fly swatter too, she use it to me quite often.

Miboshi rolled his eyes "Pfft! who knows and who cares! He may be in the toilet, under a woman's skirt.." The Host raised an eyebrow, thankful that she's not wearing a skirt "Uhh.. right"

"…. In the seven dwarfs' house" Miboshi continued "And you know and they would sing 'We are Family'." He got a whack from the Host in the head "Hey! You've just hit my awesome third eye! I need that yah' know!"

The Host scoffed "You still have two anyway."

He rolled his eyes (without the third one because it is bruised) "Or he could probably in a control room." He said as he rubbed his forehead.

The Host jaw dropped "Oh sweet mother of the fat Buddha, he better not be in the control room."

"Why?" Yui asked.

"There are buttons there that are strictly forbidden by the Author-sama NOT to touch. When I was about to touch a random button before, the Author-sama barged in to the room holding a butcher knife she was like "Hey! What the cock are yah doing?" she screamed at me. She was sooo pissed that I thought that was the end of me and my life flashed before my eyes." the Host shivered "She's way more terrifying than my mum. My mum is a tough, strict general in the Defence."

Control room:

Chiriko is still choosing what to press "Hmm.. Suzaku is red and that's our team color. Maybe I'll just choose red but blue is for manliness too."

Studio:

"There are two very dangerous buttons" the Host begun to explain "First, if you press the blue, a large flat screen t.v will appear in the studio and will show a video of someone doing a strip tease. And the red one will…."

Control room:

Chiriko has finally chosen and pressed the button.

And there was a great flash of light; it's even brighter than a bald man's head when the sun reflects to his head.

"…. Send us to another dimension" the host continued not realizing what just happened. "Ohhh.." the cast said as they finally understood, still not knowing what just happened.

The Host's eyes moved to the side and her eyes widened "Oh look! A unicorn and a double rainbow! Oh wait? Is that Cinderella? Oh wait, that's someone's butt."

Tasuki looked around with widened eyes as he began to tremble and his eye twitched. Everything he sees is where all girls dreamed of "I-I'm in the girls' dome… G-GE-GET ME OUT OF HEEEEERRRRRREEEEEEE!"

Then out of nowhere, a dwarf appeared before them "I think I found your friend" the dwarf said as he held the collar of the beat up Chiriko. Chichiri quickly ran towards him "Are you alright, no da?" he asked worriedly. Chiriko weakly raised his head "Do I look okay to you?"

The Host ate a pocky which was given to her by the Author-sama saying that she doesn't want to see any pocky or anyone greeting her Kong Hei Fat Choi. She'll just chop them and feed them to the… pelicans. "Let's go to our interview! The first question is for Tasuki. How do you feel about fanfic stories that pairs you with Miaka? Do they drive you insane or do you secretly?"

Tasuki shifted his eyes from side to side, feeling Tamahome's "extreme" glare. Haha, I love that word! "Wh-wha-wha-what? Eh, dunno. I haven't read one…. Yet, because you know I was ahem, busy playing starcraft. But I don't really mind at all… Why's my first decent question's so awkward?" Yeah right Tasuki, if I hadn't told you before, I could read minds. But I couldn't read yours, I can't find it. Why is he so red?

Tamahome continued to give Tasuki his _extreme_ glare "right"

The host shrugged "You know what will make your face redder Tasuki?" she asked.

"What?"

"I was reading this story in Fanfiction about you and Chichiri having err… uhmm"

The monk creased his eyebrows "What?"

The Host tapped her chin "What word was it again? I'm looking for a word that will not corrupt the young readers' mind. Hmm" her eyes widened as she remembered "Oh! *censor* each other!" Whew that was close. YOU SAID IT WILL NOT CURRUPT THE READERS MIND! THE WORD YOU SAID IS MA18+ IDIOT!

Both Chichiri's and Tasuki's jaw dropped. Tamahome started laughing wildly "Ahahaha! You serious? Now I know who's gay in the group! Well, except for Nuriko – " he was cut off when Nuriko whacked him in the head giving him triple ice cream scoop in the forehead, BIG ONES.

"I was blown away when I was reading it" The host continued, much to Tasuki's and Chichiri's displeasure "Because Chichiri here has moaning problems and moans like a mad cow having sex with a kangaroo which disturbs everybody at night. And of course, who would go solve the problem? Chiriko!"

Chiriko raised an eyebrow "Me? How did that – "

The Host waved him off "Oh shut up, shut up. The Author-sama will get mad because I'm advertising other stories. And it's gonna decrease my beauty points to Sebby"

Tomo stood up and pointed a red manicured finger at Tasuki "Hah! Who's the faggot now!"

Tasuki stood up "Oh shut up you fucking fag! I'll burn your ugly face!"

On the corner, a cute chibi Chichiri was rolling on the floor, paranoid "I'm cheating on her… I'm cheeting on my girlfriend" then he started to cry hysterically "Nooooo daaaaa! I'm so sorry!"

"Okay next question!" the Host shouted " Ho 'kay, Nuriko! This question is for you! If Miaka never came along to.. you know do Miaka stuff (A.K.A: be a stupid clumsy bitch). How would you have gotten together with Hotohori? I mean, if it weren't for Miaka (A.K.A: her maladroitly), you two wouldn't have really spoke to each other. Wow, nice question. Though it sounds funny in my head" the Host read out adding some of her stupid thoughts in the bracket.

Nuriko thought for a moment, as he stopped pulling Tamahome's hair "Well actually I don't know" he admitted "Since his majesty is always busy running the country… I guess we won't really have this friendship between each other. Really, it weren't for Miaka, I think I would still be in that pit of sadness. Since Miaka came in to my life, I wouldn't have this thrilling adventure (though I'm the first one who died T^T) and these bunch of funny looking friends!"

Hotohori looked at Nuriko with big unbelieving eyes "Di-did you just called me funny looking?"

Totally ignoring the emperor, the Host pouted her lips and crossed her arms "I don't know what Miaka made you guys drink or eat that made MOST of the HOT guys in Fushigi Yuugi in love with her" Her eyes began to water as she continued her huffing "I mean IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!" Host, you're not alone. Almost all the fan girls asked the same thing. "I want hot guys TOOOO! How could you love that-that" she said as she pointed at Miaka "stupid, clumsy, glutton, naïve girl? HOW? Y U NO LOVE MEEEEEE?~~~~~"

Then spotlight lightened down on Tasuki as he made a dramatic speech pose "Because she's Miaka. She's always outgoing, amiable with both friends and strangers. She's guileless and sentimental, and she – " before he could finish his speech about Miaka, he got whacked by the Host with her new almighty fly swatter in the mouth.

"Oh that's bullcrap!" she retorted "Total bullcrap! You just memorized the Wikipedia bro! Do you know that you've just committed the sin of plagiarism?" a loud splash was heard nearby as they all whipped their heads to see the "Little" Mermaid. "Ooooohhh~~ Look at that! It's Little Mermaid! Wait… AHAHAHAHA! She looks like the fat ugly, wrinkly dugong! Hey!" she called out to the mermaid "You're so FAAAATT! That everytime you swim, you create huge waves and causes the tsunamis! Oh no! Fear the fat mermaid! Ahahaha! Tha-that's why Prince Eric rejected you because you're so freaking FAT! What kind of whale species are you?" The host continued to laugh that she fell off from her couch to the ground made of candy.

The mermaid's eye twitched and gave the Host a middle finger. Everyone stopped their muffled laughs and stared at the cursing mythical creature.

Suboshi gaped "Did she just flicked her finger at you? Ahahaaha! Didn't see that coming!

The Host had a blank look, not really caring at what just happened "I wonder if the crazy seagull also taught her how to do that. I think she got too much sea water in her brain because she talks to a seagull and a freaking crab. HA! And I do really feel sorry for her. A fat fish for a friend that can't even fit in the ship's window? Ahaha! Crazy betch." She finished with a mocking "I'm sexy than you and I know it" face. "Back tu dah interview! Yui! How do you feel about fanfictions about Miaka and Nakago? Would you swipe up Tama for yourself if those two were to get married?"

Yui thought for a moment "Well.. nothing really. I'm over with Nakago anyway after what he's DONE to me… though I have forgiven him already." Then she raised an eyebrow "And why would I want a money obsessed moron as a husband? – Sure I wanted him before because I want Miaka to suffer, but now? Just LOOK AT HIM!"

At the corner, Tamahome was patting a unicorn with a creepy wide stretched smile on his face as his eyes glimmered and chuckled evilly "You wanna be a star unicorn? I'll be your manager. Just call me in my business card"

"See?" Yui yelled "An besides, I have – "

"Me!" Suboshi cut in.

"You're dead right?"

Suboshi deflated and pouted "Oh yeah… DAMN YOU TAMAHOME!"

"Anyway," Yui continued "I have Tetsuya, so I don't have problems at all. If Miaka choose Nakago, go for it girl!"

Everyone looked at the Host, who was silent for the whole Yui answer moment. They sweatdropped as they saw the host snickering evilly as she read the manga Absolute Boyfriend. "I've got to buy these robots!"

Then they heard a loud flapping of wings. When they looked up, they saw a huge black dragon and the Author riding its back. "Hey!" she yelled "Stop giving my readers a corrupted mind!" then she made the dragon breath fire at the Host. The Host was toasted with a steam "Y-yes Au-Author-sama" she stuttered. The Author left with "Hmp!"

Then they heard someone laughing, it was the mermaid "You got owned! Sucker!

The Host had an annoyed face with a large vein popping out of her forehead "Shut up you fat mermaid! Go on a diet because you're getting fat as Ursula! Fuck yea!"

"Fuck me? Fuck you!"

"Fuck me? Fuck you today! Fuck you tahmorrow! Fuck you uhh.. Fuck yea next year! Come at me you Betch!"

Everyone had a blank "WTF" look on their faces as the two "Women" slash their come backs.

"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" the mermaid shouted in frustration "You *censor* woman! I'm gonna *censor* you and your family! I will call my friend to *censor* you and continue to *consor* you until you *censor* and he *censor* and both of you *censor*!"

Instead of gaping and being offended, the Host rather had an amused look "Hmmm… interesting. I want to meet your friend someday~~"

Everyone, FACEPALM!

"IIIHHH~~~ I'm so excited" face palm number two! "Okay interview time!"

"You seemed very happy for it" Suboshi commented.

"Suboshi!"

"What? Don't tell me you're gonna rape me too?"

"No! Who wants to rape a 15 year old psycho like you? I would rather rape Light Yagami than you!"

"Fuck you bitch!"

The Host giggled "Oh Suboshi~ not now!~ We are still in the interview! Don't be too excited! Anyway, Suboshi, you have a dare"

"Bring it on!"

"I don't think you can do it"

"Whatever. Just tell me."

"Okay. I dare you to go on a date with Miaka and be a perfect gentlemen. And you are prohibited by the asker to bring any deadly weapons. And Tama, be nice"

Tamahome shifted his attention away from the unicorn "B-Be nice? You expect me to be nice and let Miaka go on a date with that lunatic?"

Suboshi didn't really cared about what Tama said, and added "I can't do that! I can't go out with that clumsy girl!"

"But you have to" said the Host "Every guy in the room could probably do it. Well, not for the not normal ones like Miboshi and Ashtare."

"Hey! Who are you calling not normal?" Miboshi yelled.

"I can't let her!" Tama said firmly "I would not be nice and I will – " before he could finish, he got whacked by the fly swatter in the dick, making him kneel down and cry in pain and agony.

"Oh shut up Tamahome! Suboshi! Yer gonna do it!"

Then a question appeared on Hotohori's head "How do we get back to the studio?" he asked as Suboshi ran behind the bush yelling "Gyaaahhh! Can't hold it any longer!"

The Host smiled innocently "I have absolutely NO idea"

"WHHHHHHAAAAATTTTT?" Tasuki shrieked "Yah mean… we're gonna get stuck here… LONGER?"

The Host waved in the front of the camera "Bye bye now! See yah guys – AAAAHH! Tsunami!"

Tasuki started freaking out as he continued to panic "Aaahhh! Water! Can't swim!" he overreacted. Dude, the water is below knee level yah dumbass!

The host, in annoyance, threw her shoe at his face.

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><p><strong>B.N:<strong> I finally updated. Actually, I finished this kinda long time ago but I have to redo it and make it in to paragraph form. And took more awhile for me because or school and sleep. I made it longer too so that it's worth the wait.

Do you guys like it?

If you haven't read the manga Absolute Boyfriend which is also made by Yuu Watase, PLEASE read it. It was the first manga that made me cry in the ending. SPOILERS ALERT! But please read it. It won't waste your time.

I'm sorry if there's a mistake. I'll just edit them soon. And guys, you can also ask questions to the Host *evil snicker* she doesn't know what's coming for her! Thank yah for all the support and reviews! And there's a bonus chaptah for this, it's Miaka and Suboshi's date! A time that Suboshi reflects to his love life and realizes that, he has just fallen in love with… SECRET!

If you guys have any challenge for me, go for it!

I love you guys and review!


	9. Special 1: Suboshi & Miaka's Date Dare!

**Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi cast**

**By: Black Michaelis**

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><p><strong>B.N: <strong>Halu halu minnasan! I'm sorry for not updating regularly. But I promise I WILL update regularly when this month ends. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this special!

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><p><strong>Special 1: Suboshi and Miaka's Date Dare<strong>

Patience,

Wearing,

Thin.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to let my mind relax, fighting the urge to punch a random passerby's face. You can do this Suboshi! You've been through so many things already and this is nothing okay? Just think of happy thoughts… Yes that's right happy thoughts. Yeah.. my little ponies.

Then a smirking Host appeared in my head.

"DAMN HER!" I yelled as I slammed my fist on the table in frustration, which caught some random people's attention. I glared at the people who were staring at me then they immediately went back to their own business.

"D-daijobu d-desu ka?" Miaka asked worriedly. I nodded and looked away, since she doesn't want to feel my wrath by asking a question again, she just kept quiet. With a still smug look on my face, I remembered what happened last, last night.

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><p>((Flashback: After the Interview; backstage))<p>

With a gleam of annoyance in her crimson eyes she spoke, "Suboshi, if you won't do this dare, I guess I have to force you."

" Heh," I smirked mockingly "As if you can. You can NEVER put up against me. You're just a plain woman who's hobby is to rape people."

Smirking, she wasn't even affected by my words "You don't know me well Mr. Shunkaku Bu. You don't know who you are up against. And challenging me would be your WORST decision you have ever made."

"You can't win against me! You're just a person who exists in story!"

She raised an eyebrow "You shouldn't be talking."

I glared at her as I looked for my double meteor bell, which is taking a whole lot to look for. I creased my eyebrows as I continued my search. Then the realization hit me,

_It… it was gone…_

My eyes widened as I frantically looked for my weapons. My weapons! My weapons! Where have they gone? As tried to look for my weapons in every possible places (butt cracks are acceptable because you'll never know.. they might be there). Then I looked at the Host who was just standing there (like a boss) smirking at me, her eyes glowing in an eerie way that sent chills down my spine.

Before I could react or do my karate chop, she pushed me against the wall and trapped me between her arms and I was back to back with the wall. She licked her lips hungrily and gave me the "I will rape the hell oughta you, you fucking virgin" look. Then, another realization hit me,

_This woman is the boss of all rapists._

She tilted her head and played with a strand of my hair (I couldn't stop her because her body was really pressed against me ((I could feel her chest)) and if I raised a hand I might touch her in some parts of her body that shouldn't be touched and she might like it and it's the end of my virgin life) she spoke "As my motto goes: I shall rape all hot guys in the face of the Earth. And NEVER underestimate me 'cause if you do.." her smile widened "I shall take your virginity tonight." She tucked some of the strands behind my ear and continued to talk "If I can't even do simple things like taking your weapons from you, what kind of molester would I be?" That's why! Now I got it! During lunch time, I was talking to my manager through my phone when I felt someone running their hands on my hips and waist, which crept me out, but I just ignored it.

Before I could figure out what she's going to do, a handkerchief covered my nose and inhaled something that somehow made everything go around, move in slow motion and all of a sudden, everything turned pitch black.

* * *

><p>A sudden feeling of itch in my butt caused me to stir in my sleep. With my left hand I tried to reach it down to scratch it but somehow, someone or something is stopping me. I tried to open my heavy eyelids and took a deep breath, finally trying to register what's happening. When my vision started to clear, I blinked repeatedly and noticed that I was in a dark room. When I looked at my sides, my wrists are tightly tied and when I looked down, the same goes to my feet. I was back to back with a cold cement stone and everything is just… I don't know how to explain. Ahead of me, I saw a slightly opened door, the other side of the door is also dark and… what's that? Something red is glowing in between the crack of the door. I started to freak out "What the fuck is that?" I shrieked as I struggle between the bonds that was holding me. Then the red light moved and there was another one "Holy crap. Where the hell am I?" It started to move closer… and closer. I was so freaked out that I think I wet myself and screamed in a high pitch voice that will wake your great grand mother from the dead. You might be asking, why are you so out of character? Well, let me tell you,<p>

HEEEELLLLOOOOO? There's a freaking grudge there at the door just wanting to watch me piss at myself before it pulls my eyes out and eat my brains – stupid zombie movies.

So while I screamed there and humiliating myself, I heard a cackle. I stopped and opened my teary eyes, guess who was it? If any of you answered it was Tomo, well, you got it wrong. It was the one and only, The Host. If I was not tied or at least have my weapons, I will cut her into tiny little pieces and make her a human sausage and sell her on eBay.

She stopped and crossed her arms, smiling "You're finally awake."

I rolled my eyes "Nah, I'm still asleep!" the corners of her lips and her eye twitched, a vein mark popping in her forehead. Ha! Take that you… you…. Uggh, ran out of names. But then, her molester smile appeared again. The door opened once again and this time, I turned blue at the sight of the person.

An old woman, maybe on her 70s or 80s, walked in wearing a black leathered, very revealing corset and a g-string. It was the most revolting, disgusting, repelling, sickening, repulsive (and many other synonyms to disgust) sight I've ever seen that turned my stomach and empty its contents. It's like a wrinkle that grew a face, arms and legs. She has wrinkles EVERYWHERE, fats, long boobs that resembled an eggplant, and it's just DISTURBING ALRIGHT! If you guys can't imagine what I'm seeing, just imagine Taiitsukun in a corset and a g-string. Now, meditate on that image until you puke and die.

Are you dead?

"What's that fat old woman doing here?" I asked the smirking Host. Oh how I wished Tasuki was here and share this moment with me. But APPARENTLY, some oh-so-kind author dared me. Are you happy now? When I see you, I SWEAR! I'll turn you into a human sausage like the Host and sell you on eBay!

The Host, who was still smirking (let's see if you can still smirk if I turn you into a sausage!), she answered, "Oh, she's just going to take your virginity that's all!~" Tha-that's… all? THAT'S ALL? You've got to be kidding me! My jaw dropped to the ground and all the color drained from my face. For all this time, my virginity will be taken by a wrinkled old woman. HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? FUUUUUUUUUUUUU– *meme face*

"Hello sweetheart~" the old woman greeted as she walked closer. I pulled on my strings again to get the fuck out of here, but with no avail. I squirmed and continued to tug on them. I need to run away from here! I don't want to end up like this! "Stay the hell away from me you pedo-whale! AAAWWWAAAAYYYY!" I yelled and I could feel tears form in my eyes.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Now, now, don't be such a naughty boy and just enjoy the ride!~" she reached me and lifted up my shirt and started to caress my abdomen. YUCK! For the second time, I pissed on myself again. Her hand went down to my zipper, don't you DARE open that! I didn't even get aroused or anything!

I saw the Host turned her heel and waved back "Well now, I should be leaving. Do enjoy while I continue my quest to bed Sebastian for the 1,999th attempt time! Ja~~" she can't leave me here!

Before she could make her exit, I spoke "Fine I'll do it! I'll do the dare! Just get this old hag away from me! PLEASE! I'm begging you!" I would rather choose to get beat up by a raging Tamahome than to be a helpless boy who lost his virginity to an old hag.

The Host tuned her head and had a look of disappointment. "Well, that was fast." She said disappointingly as she turned her whole body facing me.

She waved at the woman to leave and close the door. She then walked towards me and stopped at my helpless figure. Just then, I realized that she didn't wear her glasses or her red contacts. I was trapped in her azure blue eyes and I couldn't tear my eyes off it. She had a perfect face shape and a cute nose too~ and– hold on? What am I thinking? Okay, maybe she's _kiiiiiindaaa.._ cute but, Lady Yui has already captured my heart.

"Suboshi! Are you listening to me? Don't space out on me boy!" she yelled in a stern voice, eyebrows furrowed. _Aaaahhhhh… _that voice, like a wonderful melody in my ea – WHAT THE HELL?

She looked at me and waited for an answer. "Y-yeeeesssss_noooooooo_…?" I stuttered. The Host rolled her eyes and reached down to untie my legs, then she reached up to untie my wrist. Once I was freed and realized that I was a bit far off the ground, I fell. I fell on top of the Host. Our faces are only inches away and she was murmuring something like "…should have made the old woman untie you instead of me so it would be more fun…" something like that, but I didn't really care at the moment.

She stared at me with her poker face, after a few moments, her smirk found its way back to her lips. "You're falling in love with me, aren't cha?" I blinked repeatedly, registering her words. When I realized what it meant, heat ran up to my cheeks and moved away from her.

"Wha-what made you think that? Whore?" She just laughed evilly.

((End of flashback))

* * *

><p>"Su-Suboshi… d-daijobu desu k-ka?" Miaka spoke, cutting my train of thought. I gave her a nod. "You finish now?" I asked. She nodded happily and I sighed. I took my last sip of my iced tea while Miaka finished her food (which was the whole menu). I didn't really care, I just want this damn date to be finished and go see the Ho – I-I mean go get my weapons back.<p>

I paid our bill and got out of the coffee shop. I walked with my hands on my pocket jeans, what to do next? I then asked the girl walking beside me, "You wanna eat?" I asked, since she loves to eat, why don't I just feed her and feed her until she explodes and sell her remains on eBay?

She looked at me with confusion and tilted her head "Didn't we just eat at the coffee shop?" She asked.

I shrugged "Where do you wanna go?"

She came to her thinking position, "How about we go to the park near the lake?"

Oh that soft raven hair… That soft white looking skin.. Those eyes of hers, so pretty!

"Suboshi! There's a – "

_Dooooiiiiiiinnnnkkkkkkkk…._

Before I could snap out of my thoughts, it was already too late to react and I hit my head to the hard steel pole on the side of the sidewalk. The pain immediately shot up to my forehead, causing it to swollen.

Anyway, we continued walking with a large ice cream scoop looking bump on my forehead when we saw a parked ice cream van. We walked to it and stood there, looking at the menu.

"What do you want Miaka?"

"Strawberry please!"

I called the vendor's attention "Can we have a triple scoop strawberry and two scoops for mint, please." The vendor nodded, getting out orders.

When he finished and handed it out to us, he spoke "Why do you want more ice cream? Isn't that scoop of ice cream on your forehad good enough for you?" he said jokingly, but I didn't get any humor out of it.

Old man, you've just added yourself to my "To-Sausage list" and prepare to be sold in eBay. I showed a forced fake smile "I'll tear you to pieces you old fag." I told him threatingly, still smiling. The old man gulped and laughed nervously as we walked off, eating our ice cream. If only I had my weapons! That Host! *sigh*

"Look Suboshi! There's the park I'm telling you about!"

"Shut up Miaka. I'm fantasizing right now…"

"You're what?"

I blinked and snapped out of my thoughts "Huh? Wha-what? Oh! Is that the park? Okay, let's go there now." She seemed to have forgotten her question and nodded happily. Phew! That was close! Ugghh! That Host is corrupting my mind!

We made it on the park, sat down on the swing and watched as the sun goes down in front of us. There was a silence between us, but both of us didn't mind and eat our ice cream. I felt the warm touch of the setting sun. The scenery before me gave me a peace of mind and let it rest from all the crazy things that's been bugging my head.

"Hey Suboshi,"

"Hm?"

"You still have feelings for Yui, right?"

"Of course I do." Which is very complicated right now. Please, all thank the Host for this.

"Oh, hm. I'm happy to know that many people loves her. But, do you still believe that she would return your feelings?" Okay, that did hurt. Like hitting me with a baseball bat in the rear. I-I do love her but.. now, reality is hitting me pretty hard. "Maybe. Maybe I'm still waiting for her."

"But, she has Tetsuya now and… what would you do"

I torn my gaze from the sun and looked at her with my eyebrow raised "Why are you asking me this?"

"I'm just asking because… I'm concerned."

I gave out a sigh. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I looked up and realized that it's getting dark. So I told Miaka that we should get home.

As we walked, Miaka's words played in my mind, which is honestly getting annoying and it's kicking my nerves. But she's right. Am I still believing and waiting for Yui to love me back?"

"Suboshi?"

Shut up Miaka! I'm trying to talk to myself now okay? I said mentally as I I continued to reflect in my love life. Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life? Am I going to wait for Yui? Is my love for her that strong?

"Suboshi…!"

"Suboshi!"

Before I knew it, I heard loud screeching of tires and I was hit by a car. I flew and landed on such a big impact that I though it was the end of me. I heard people's yells and murmurs and of course, Miaka's voice.

Miaka was on the phone "Moshi moshi? 911! 911!" she yelled over the phone. Then, everything turned pitch black.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes and saw two ruby eyes staring back at mine. Where am I? When my vision cleared, I was in a room (I think I'm in the hospital) and the Host sitting on the bed, looking at me.<p>

"You okay now?" she asked.

"Ho-Host?"

"Yep!" she did a peace sign "And you don't have to call me that, just call me Abby okay? So, how are you feeling? All good?"

"I-I think so… it's just that my head hurts."

"You want Panadol?"

"Panadol? This isn't a headache you moro – "

"Ahahahahaha! Jeez! I'm just kidding! Do you have menstruation today?' I just strared at her blankly as she rolled her eyes.

"Dude, I'm just making you laugh."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here Mr. Hothead, to guard you and keep you some company."

"Where's Miaka? How about my brother and Lady Yui?"

"Well, Miaka's at home taking a rest, your brother is coming later and Yui is still asleep."

"Oh." I glanced up and it's… 2:00 am? "Aren't you suppose to be at home sleeping?"

The Host blinked and tilted her head "I heard about what happened so I came and besides, no one's gonna look after you."

"I don't need a babysitter. Especially a raping babysitter"

The Host made a hurt face "How rude! Anyway, I brought you some cookies!" she gave me a wonderfully-decorated box and smiled like a maniac. I looked at it cautiously, it might be poisonous.

"No worries bro! This is banana flavoured cookies! For proteins!"

I then raised an eyebrow, suspicious "Why are you so kind and shit?"

"Hoy! It doesn't mean that I'm a rapist that im a bad person!" Uh huh, right. "Even though I'm mean, I still do care about other people's wellbeing when they are seriously hurt, yah know!"

"…right.."

"You hungry?"

"Kinda. I only consumed iced tea and ice cream today – I mean yesterday."

The host stood up and walked to the door "Be right back!" then she left.

Well, it's 2:00 in the morning so it's understandable. But why would a selfish, maniac, bully, perverted woman be here? I picked the box and pulled out the lid. There and behold, the most perfect looking cookies I've ever seen. I picked one and the aroma smells yummy. There were banana chip bits mixed with the dough and chocolate ran across the top. I opened my mouth and took a bite, I think I've just tasted the best cookies EVER! I felt so light and forgot about the pain I'm feeling.

The door opened and the Host entered carrying a tray of hot bowl of soup and sat back down to the bed. She smiled "You like them?"

I nodded repeatedly, while I continued munching "They're the BEST! Where did you buy them?"

She laughed "I didn't buy it! I made it you dummy!"

That made me stop and looked at her with shock wide eyes "Y-you made this? Whe-when? H-how?"

She stirred the soup, while looking at it, she answered "Well, yes I made it. I baked them this morning." She looked at me and shoved the spoonful of soup in my mouth.

I quickly swallowed it and yelled "Hey! Don't shove the food while it's still hot!" Wait, hot? It didn't even burned my tongue. She just smiled and continued feeding me. I felt my cheeks warmed up. Oh great.

I looked away and silently sat there in the bed. She might be mean and bitch but, she does care for other people. She came here very early in the morning for me and even baked me some cookies and even feeding me now.

I think maybe, I'll stop waiting for Yui for awhile and take a look around. Maybe she isn't the girl for me after all? There maybe someone there for me, waiting. And I think I found her.

And yes, I think I'm falling in love with the Host.

!

* * *

><p>((Host POV))<p>

I continued to feed him, showing him a warm smile. This is the least i could do after running over him yesterday with my car. It wasn't my fault! There was a hot guy on the street and I couldn't refuse to look at him instead of looking at the road! Come on! I would rather want to look at a hot guy than an unattractive grey cement and the backs of the car! and besides, Suboshi just came out of nowhere.. So... it's half the hot guy's fault and the other half for Suboshi for being a dumbass and it's entirely nothing for me.

* * *

><p><strong>B.N: <strong>You bad Host! You were the one who pwned Suboshi with your car! Bad Girl! I hope you liked this special chapter and somehow made you laugh and all. Please do tell this to your friends and all. I'm sorry if i made a mistake. 'cause I was so sleepy that my eyes crossed while typing this. I'll just edit them when i have deh time.

There would be an Easter special coming soon. And please do keep an eye on my deviantart account (SilverRain02) 'cause I'm uploading the Host's drawing soon!

Please review or else I'll call the old woman, I named her Helga.


	10. Never Cheat on the Host

**Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi Cast!**

**By: Black Michaelis**

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><p><strong>B.N: <strong>Halu halu! I'm so, SO sorry for not updating. It's just that I have so many things to do like memorize the whole Periodic Table (if you guys see anything like sodium, magnesium and other elements in this chapter, I'm sorry, cause my head is full of elements right now) and SOMEONE blocked Fanfiction so I can't go to MA+ sites (just kidding. DON'T TELL MY MUM!) But of course I'm a hacker and unblocked everything (Don't ask me how 'cause I forgot. Try pressing random buttons it should work. But if your computer explodes… well… just give me some cookies… and you know…. *awkward turtle*) ANYWAY, just enjoy this chapter. And by the way, some characters might be a bit ooc here, just warning yah!

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the following FY characters.

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><p><strong>Part 7: Never Cheat on the Host<strong>

"Yo people whazzup?" The Host greeted happily "Today, I'm giving out free cookies!" (Take note: They're virtual for the readers) She announced as she threw cookie jars at the audience, causing some people to get hit in the head, pass out and get trampled all over. So in simple words, they're dead and no one cares. The people fought over it (since they read the special and found out its really good) and some planned to sell it on eBay.

The cast eyed her suspiciously. She raised her forefinger and announced "And I'm not planning to rape anyone today!" All the people stopped what they were doing and looked at the Host with widened eyes, "YEHAY!" The people cheered and cried like it was the end of the war and gained their independence.

Still grinning, the Host swayed from side to side happily like she was listening to her favourite song. "You look very happy today." Tasuki said as he continued to eye the strange acting Host. "Don't tell me, you just raped Zach Effron?"

The Host laughed "Oh you silly boy and your silly imagination! I raped Zach years ago what are you talking about? The reason why I'm happy today is because it's me and my boyfriend's anniversary today! Isn't that wonderful!~~" She sighed dreamingly and drool coming out at the corners of her lips.

Suboshi gasped loudly "NAAANNNIIII? You have a boyfriend? NOOOOOOOOO!~~~~" Suboshi dramatically knelt down and cried in despair.

"Why are you so affected?" Amiboshi asked.

Suboshi blinked and sat back to his chair and laughed nervously "Wha-what are you talking about?"

The Host punched the air "Ho 'kay! Let's start the interview! Our asker for today is Akimoto Tsubaki! Welcome back! The first dare is for Nakago."

Nakago sighed and put a finger on his temples "What am I doing here?"

"The dare is: Nakago you have to dress up like Tamahome and eat Miaka's cooking." Nakago sighed again before he left and went to the dressing room. When everyone was waiting, the song "I'm Sexy and I Know It" song rang in the studio. The Host pulled out her phone from her pocket and answered "Hello?... Hi darling! Why did you call me?... Eh… What?... What are you talking about?... You can't be serious?" The Host continued to talk to the phone while Nakago came back wearing Tamahome's red and white Chinese clothes and sat on the chair facing a table full of Miaka's cooking.

Miaka clapped and smiled "I woke up really early just to cook those!"

Nakago narrowed his eyes and poked the unidentified thing on the plate with chopsticks "I think it's still alive."

While the Host, still talking on her phone, grew a large dangerous aura around her and her usual happy rapist smile not visible. Her crimson eyes flashed dangerously and her eyebrows furrowed. Everyone, except Miaka and Nakago, looked at the Host with fear and quivered as they huddled together. "You… you can't do this to me." She spoke in a low dangerous tone, far from her rape-ishy happy tone. This one sounded like she's going to dig someone's heart with a wooden spoon and sell it on eBay.

Nakago took a little piece from the plate and slowly chewed it. He coughed it out; spitting it on the plate "This is the most disgusting, filthiest food I've ever eaten. I can't believe I'm actually this piece of shit."

Miaka's eyes widened "What did you say blondie? I woke up really early just to cook that-that your so called "piece of shit" just for you to criticize it? You ARROGANT JERK!" Miaka jumped at the table and attacked Nakago.

Meanwhile, the people started to fear for their own lives. The once cheerful and happy rapist is now a dangerous psycho killer with glowing demonic red eyes (if you ask me how she does that, well I don't know either). Still clutching the phone, she spoke in a low bloodcurdling voice "I swear I'll make you pay. I won't let you go easily. Say your last prayers… I will hunt you down and chop your dick off you two timing son of a bitch." She ended the call and crushed her phone between her grasp and threw at the random cameraman.

* * *

><p>"FINISH IT!" Miaka screamed.<p>

"No." Nakago replied.

The Host stood up, blood crimson and black aura emitting behind her as she walked towards the table. She then looked at Nakago, who is unnerving at the moment, with her dangerously glowing eyes "You men always make girls cry, brake their hearts, hopes and dreams. EAT THAT SHIT NOW!"

Nakago scoffed "Make me."

The Host glared "If you don't eat that now.. I'll brake your balls like the way you men brake our HEARTS! I'm gonna chop your fucking (censor), put it on the blender with soy sauce and a used condom and make you DRINK IT!"

Everyone had their mouth hanging open at the Host's outburst, not because of her threat, but the ability to make their life a living hell. Nakago had no choice but to finish his food.

The Host smiled and sat back down to her couch, her smile was stretched, it was not the molester one, but the Jack the Ripper kind of smile. "Now, whoever doesn't follow my orders will be punished by being burned in Hell. BWAHAHAHAHIHIHIHIHIHIHI!"

"I think she totally lost it." Hotohori mumbled.

The Host stopped and had a serious "Fuck yea" meme face "Now Tamahome, this question is for you." Tamahome gulped and prayed that his question isn't humiliating. "Who was the better kisser? Nuriko, Miaka, Soi or Nakago?"

"Of course… Miaka."

Soi scoffed as she crossed her arms "Yeah right. As if you didn't enjoy our tongue wrestling."

Miaka gasped and her eyes grew wide open "You did WHAT?"

Tamahome shifted his eyes from side to side "Wha-what? What are you talking about you ho?"

On her couch, the Host cried, rubbing her eyes full of tears as she spoke and mumbled some words that sounded gibberish "He-he cheated at me with that slut! Wahahaha! Hrcwqch fwefg udbhwq kjcwh eufvq ishci wdfbc wkndc gewbck anlxmag fuwgjb wegjcjvbe gvjbcgfownck!" Try reading that I dare you, can't say it can you? The Host went back to her serious self "Okay next question. Hotohori, if you had never known that Nuriko was a guy, would you have given him a chance?" The Host sneered "All good looking guys now are either gay, taken or fictional characters." She stated as she stuffed emo cookies with skull chocolate toppings in her mouth.

Hotohori thought for a moment as he leaned back to the couch "Maybe not." The yaoi fan girls pouted "Awwww…." They said in unison.

"You see, I'm still in love with Miaka. I would do anything for my dearest love! If I have to fight the strongest seas! Climb the highest mountains – " he was the rudely interrupted by the Host.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Oh! I would even give up life itself for my one and true love!~" she mockingly mimic Hotohori and her face turned into a malice looking face "You know what I can say about you assholes, hm?" she glared at the men "Bullshit. Total bullshit." She centered her gaze at Hotohori "Don't say things that you know are impossible. You would die for her? Do you know what will the person you die for feel? Guilt. Loneliness and the ugly feeling of poignant scaring their heart. Maybe you say, it's for her own good. Well fuck yea! People can't move on that easily 'cause apparently they're still in love with the person who died for them who went straight to Hell, and they can't fall in love 'cause they feel guilty about you assholes dying for the sake of your love and crap! All I could say is don't die and kidnap a passerby and let them the one to die."

Everyone had their mouth hanging at the Host's another outburst. Everyone stood up and clapped their hands. The Host glared at everyone "Shut up!" everyone stopped. Then the Host's molester smile came back to her lips "Oh I was just kidding! Go on! Continue clapping! Ihihihihihihi!" She then turned her head in front of the camera with a creepy, wide stretch smile, like the smile of Light from Death Note when he said "I win" or something, I can't remember, in the end. "Darling, if you're watching right now," she raised her middle finger "Fuck yea." She faced back to the people and ordered them to stop.

"Thank you for that. You guys really made me feel better. Okay last question of the day! Chichiri! Have you ever had any fantasies about Miaka? And I'm also curious if you and Yui were to have a conversation, what would the topic be?"

"No, I never had one, you know?" Chichiri quickly replied. "I am faithful to my dearest deceased love, that I would even sell my soul to the devil, you kn – " he was then interrupted when Sebastian appeared before him.

"So, would you consider forming a contract with me? I'll be your loyal servant!"

"Eh…"

The Author came bursting open the door with her flame thrower as she barges in to the Interview room "Sebastian! What are you doing?"

"M-Mistress! L-look… I-I can explain.."

"Are you trying to break our contract?"

"What contract?"

The Author narrowed her eyes at the demon butler "I don't want my servants slacking, now go back there and finish my assignments!"

"But aren't you supposed to be the one who's doing them?"

"Are you questioning my orders? Now put your ass back there so I can continue playing Halo Rich."

"Please my lady, just give me a break. I promise I'll do what you want afterwards!"

"You're supposed to anyway!" With that, she dragged the now, stressful demon back to wherever they're from. OOC ALERT! OOC ALERT!

"Anyway, about my other question," the monk spoke as he cleared his throat awkwardly "don't know what to talk about, you know?" she turned to face Yui "Do you like fishing?"

"Well… kinda.." Yui answered.

The Host gasped as she remembered something "OH! I want you guys to meet someone! Have you guys met Helga?"

An old woman in a black leathered, revealing corset and a g-string entered the room. The kids have to cover their grandparent's eyes; they might have a heart attack. "Hi boys!~" she greeted in a hoarse voice. Everyone's hair jump up at the sight of the old hag.

Suboshi remembered the touch of the old woman in his skin and he shivered in disgust. Helga turned to him and grinned, her pink teeth-less gum showing "Oh look who's here! The same young man I met few days ago! You were so horny back then!~~" she then slowly made her towards him.

Suboshi climbed up at the couch, desperate to GTFO "No! No! Leave me alone! Abby! Get this hag away from me please! I'm begging you!

Tasuki closed his eyes and tried to get rid of the ugly image in his mind of the person in front of him "I just saw my life flash before mah life."

"This is my step grandma and she's a guest here in the show." The Host introduced "But she won't be here all the time, though." Everyone sighed in relief.

Tomo spoke "Oh, even though she's your step grandmother, I can see the resemblance."

The Host waved goodbye "See you guys again!"

Then Helga forced the camera to face her (cameraman not looking) "I'll be seeing you guys too!~" then she sent a flying kiss towards the readers.

(Readers behind the screen): Oh shit! *dodges the flying kiss*

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><p><strong>B.N: <strong>Did you guys like it? I'm sorry if it isn't, my humor is lacking out 'cause of the homework. You guys can also ask question to Helga and the Host.

I'm planning another FY story, featuring, the Host. She's just a simple high school girl with a strict General in the Navy as a mother and a hot supermodel and fashion designer as a dad, but she has a bad hobby (you guys know what it is). But one night, her parents were kidnapped and Taiitsukun showed up. She was transported to the book of the Four Gods to rescue her parents… and to… rape people.

And one more thing! Please do read my upcoming FY story "Under the Rain" it's YuixNuriko fanfic. Please read it! It will be out soon! But this story will not be that funny though, but it is sure sad.

Thanks for the continuous support of Akimoto Tsubaki and The Fighting Demon of 7012! Love yah guys!

Please review!

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><p>And here's a funny script I did for my English class, hope you guys like it!<p>

**This is The Crack Flash News**. (some retarded news theme song)

**News Anchor: **Good morning, evening, konnichiwa, anyoung haseyo to everyone. Today, we have heard from a drugged addict doctor that there was a new epidemic that was spreading throughout our maniac world. Buttface!

**Buttface (reporter)**: Buttface here to report! We are now in front of the said addict doctor who assumed there was a new fast spreading deadly disease. Doctor, what is this disease you have affirmed?

**Doctor:** *hiccups* yes, it is known as… The Beiber Fever.

**Buttface:** *gasp* the Beiber Fever?

**Doctor:** Yes, the Beiber Fever

**Buttface: **The Beiber Fever

**Beaver: **Hey! Why you accuse us beavers eh? We have nothing to do with this! *has a chainsaw*

**Buttface: **It's Bie-ber not bea-ver.

**Beaver:** Oh sorry, it sounded the same so.. hehehe.. you want some log?

**Doctor: **It mostly strikes young girls from *hiccups* ages one to one hundred. It can cause some fainting, squealing, heart swelling, heart exploding, fast heart thumping! And… the worst.. THE BEIBER WAVE HAIR!.. humping.. err..

**Buttface:** This is.. one extraordinary disease I've ever heard. We have witnessed earlier a young.. err… 60 year old granny had this Beiber Fever attack and it was.. flabbergasting. This is the said video of the young.. unfortunate granny as he pwned this yound man.

**Granny:** ooooh! Shing shing, shing shing Ooooohhh! Shing shing, shing shing Oooohhh! You know you love me! I know you care!

**Random guy hugged by granny:** ououououououhgyut.. RAPE! HELP ME! I'M TOO YOUNG!

**Granny:** I wanna make love with you boy! I'm a one less lonely girl! *tries to kiss the poor guy*

**Guy: **UUUUWWWWWAAAAHHHHHHH! NOT MY FIRST KISS! NOT MY FIIRSSTTT KISSSS! MOMME –

**Granny: ***full French kissing the boy*

**Buttface: **This is buttface, reporting!

**News Anchor: ***has the WTF face* that was.. VERY disturbing. So this is what they call a pedophile porn. Anyway, that's all people. And be very careful. This disease is contagious –

**Granny (at studio): **I'm a lesbian! *runs to the News Anchor*

**News Anchor: **AAAAHHHHH! Call the Pedo-poliiiiiicceee!

**This is The Crack Flash News**. (some retarded news theme song)

**News Anchor: **Good morning, evening, konnichiwa, anyoung haseyo to everyone. Today, we have heard from a drugged addict doctor that there was a new epidemic that was spreading throughout our maniac world. Buttface!

**Buttface (reporter)**: Buttface here to report! We are now in front of the said addict doctor who assumed there was a new fast spreading deadly disease. Doctor, what is this disease you have affirmed?

**Doctor:** *hiccups* yes, it is known as… The Beiber Fever.

**Buttface:** *gasp* the Beiber Fever?

**Doctor:** Yes, the Beiber Fever

**Buttface: **The Beiber Fever

**Beaver: **Hey! Why you accuse us beavers eh? We have nothing to do with this! *raise a chainsaw*

**Buttface: **It's Bie-ber not bea-ver.

**Beaver:** Oh sorry, it sounded the same so.. hehehe.. you want some log?

**Doctor: **It mostly strikes young girls from *hiccups* ages one to one hundred. It can cause some fainting, squealing, heart swelling, heart exploding, fast heart thumping! And… the worst.. THE BEIBER WAVE HAIR!.. humping.. err..

**Buttface:** This is.. one extraordinary disease I've ever heard. We have witnessed earlier a young.. err… 60 year old granny had this Beiber Fever attack and it was.. flabbergasting. This is the said video of the young.. unfortunate granny as he pwned this yound man.

**Granny:** ooooh! Shing shing, shing shing Ooooohhh! Shing shing, shing shing Oooohhh! You know you love me! I know you care!

**Random guy hugged by granny:** ououououououhgyut.. RAPE! HELP ME! I'M TOO YOUNG!

**Granny:** I wanna make love with you boy! I'm a one less lonely girl! *tries to kiss the poor guy*

**Guy: **UUUUWWWWWAAAAHHHHHHH! NOT MY FIRST KISS! NOT MY FIIRSSTTT KISSSS! MOMME –

**Granny: ***full French kissing the boy*

**Buttface: **This is buttface, reporting!

**News Anchor: ***has the WTF face* that was.. VERY disturbing. So this is what they call a pedophile porn. Anyway, that's all people. And be very careful. This disease is contagious –

**Granny (at studio): **I'm a lesbian! *runs to the News Anchor*

**News Anchor: **AAAAHHHHH! Call the Pedo-poliiiiiicceee!

Hahaha, me and other three classmates of mine acted this crap, we recorded it on video and the WHOLE school watched. It was embarrassing. And of course, everyone fell off their seats laughing, including the principal.


	11. Special 2: Easter Party Part 1

**Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi cast**

**By: Black Michaelis**

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><p><strong>B.N: <strong>Hi everyone...? I'M SO SORRY~! I never intended to update this late~! So to catch up, I'm gonna upload this half first 'cause this special is long and I haven't finished it yet.

But anyway,

So after being a zombie for almost a week or something… school term has come to its end. Hallelujah! And sorry if this special is a bit delayed. I just had an internal bleeding in the brain from all that memorizing and quiz bee crap (and my asthma attack added to the delay). OH YEAH! Have I told you guys I won the quiz bee?

**Readers:** We don't f***ing care.

**B.N: **You guys wounded me. DEEP inside my poor fragile heart that is now shattered in million pieces like the expensive pottery I broke yesterday that almost ended my life (my grandma almost killed me.)

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong> I do not own the FY characters. They belong to their amazing creator, Yuu Watase. And I would like to remind you that some of the characters will be a bit OOC since I'm not thinking straight. And since when did I think straight?

* * *

><p><strong>Special 2: (Part 1) Easter Party! ~<strong>

"Come here closer" the Author ordered the cameraman who obeyed and walked up to her to move closer to her. The Author, with her poker face, hit the cameraman between his legs with a baseball bat.

"Ohh.. Ohh.. Ohhh.." the cameraman stuttered as he held his now not-gonna-produce-some-babies groin. He fell on the floor with his mouth open in a shape of an "O" and froze in that spot.

The Author looked down on him, her piercing amber eyes narrowed down at him "I meant, zoom the camera to my face and NOT YOU COMING OVER HERE." She frighteningly said as she loomed over the poor man. The cameraman nodded, pain evident in his face, as he struggled to get up and go back to his position behind the camera. There were tears in his eyes and he sniffed as he held his now crooked dick.

"Lights, camera, action!"

"Good day to everyone. I just want to say, Happy Easter to everyone. To celebrate this special occasion, we have invited ((kidnapped)) the FY cast over to celebrate Easter with all of us. There would be games ((torture)), fun ((endless pain and suffering)), and loads of enjoyment ((for me)) for everyone to enjoy."

The Host, who was sitting on her couch, bursted in laughter. "Pwahahahaha! Suckers!" she did an "L" sign on her forehead with her hand and stuck out her tongue to the FY cast who just woke up. Their eyes widened as they realized where they were.

"AAAHHH! WHY AM I HERE?"

"Someone kidnapped me while I was in the toilet!"

"Speaking of toilets, where are the toilets?"

Few of them shouted. They were just in their respected places, having fun, having a day off after all of the day's work. But then, a clown ((who looks so much like the pedophile clown, McDonald)) kidnapped them.

The Author, who looked at the roaring lunatic at the corner of her eyes. She would wonder sometimes how on earth she let herself hire this impeccable, green minded psycho. "You'll be joining them." She announced as she tucked a stray of hair behind her ear.

The Host, who was laughing so hard, chocked on a lump of saliva (B.N: It happened to me lots of times and they don't feel good.) as her roaring laughter came to a drastic stop which made her cough. "Who are you talking to?" she asked the Author as she recovered and shifted on her couch uncomfortably, shifting her eyes from side to side.

The Author narrowed her blazing amber eyes at the Host who flinched and turned blue in fear, quivered like a leaf in fear. The Author slowly made her way to the quivering Host and loomed over her, looking down at her with raging eyes "I was talking to YOU. Now you don't want to mess with me since I am having my monthly periods. You'll be joining these people in the upcoming games in this chapter." The Host looked up at her with a puzzled "WTF" look.

_After 20 minutes _

"Na-Na-NAAAAAANNNNNNIIIIIIIII?" The Host shrieked as she fell off the couch, finally absorbing what the Author has just said. "B-b-but! How about Bakago – I-I mean Nakago? And who's gonna host this freaking show – er… whatever crap this is?"

"Me."

"EEEHHH? YOU? But you suc – "

***glare***

" – …. uchewuu" The Host shifted her eyes and bit her lower lip. "I was about to say suck a lollipop."

The Author rolled her eyes "According to the grapevine, Nakago can't come today because he has stomach problems and couldn't participate for today's game. All thanks to Miaka's putrid cooking."

"Hey!" Miaka yelled.

The Author mumbled something under her breath. "Nevertheless, I shall publicize the following groups where you might be – "

"Hey!" Tasuki butt in and the Author looked at him in the corners of her eyes "Yah can't do this! Did yah know this is against Human Welfare and Rights?"

The Author raised an eyebrow "What the fuck is a Human Welfare and Rights?" she asked. She had never heard of such thing.

Chiriko cleared his throat and lifted his forefinger as she begun to explain "Human Welfare and Ri – "

"The teams are," the Author interrupted which made the kid pout "Team one: Miaka, Chichiri, Yui and Ashtare. Team two: Tamahome, Tasuki, Amiboshi and Tomo. Team Three: Hotohori, Mitsukake, Suboshi and Miboshi. And for Team four: Nuriko, Chiriko, Soi and the Host."

The people went to their respective teams in a circle as they waited for another instruction from the Author. "Now that all of you are in your individual teams, I want every team to come up with a creative name. Whoever has the most imaginative team name will be given points. Are there questions?"

Tamahome raised his hand "If this is a game, what's the prize?"

For the first time, the Author made an expression, she smirked "Oh, it is a very magnificent, breathtaking, astonishing, mind-blowing, incredible, extravagant, fabulous, dazzling prize."

The Host crossed her arms "That's a long description. That prize BETTER BE good." Everyone's eyes sparkled and a large smile pasted on their faces.

"Is it money?" Tamahome asked, drooling.

"Is it food?" Miaka asked, drooling.

"Endless stock of sake?" Tasuki asked, drooling.

"Make up?" Tomo asked as his background sparkled with delight and excitement.

Tasuki whipped his head to look at the dark haired human (I don't know what to call him/her/it). "Shut up fag!" he yelled. He would definitely not join this game if the prize is not worth fighting for.

All of a sudden, the Host stood up, done from her traumatized mode and smiled exultantly. "Is it and endless supply of condoms?" the Host asked excitedly as sparkles flew in the background. Everyone grew quiet and looked at her strangely "What?" she rolled her eyes "Why? Is it having sex with no condoms is the new trend now, huh? What the hell! Do you want to spread some annoying disease to other people now huh? How IRRITATING!"

Then the others started asking things like is it going to be sweets, books, One Direction, Jellyfish, Spongebob, Patrick Star, lamp, free education for children, a donation fund for "Food for Zombies because they're human too" Charity, eyeballs, medical equipments, crabs, a donation for "Save our boobs" Charity, car, a donation for "Justin Beiber Fan Club (wonder who asked that *ahem ahem*).

The irritated Host flailed her hands, chagrined. "This is so IRRITATING! JUST SAY WHAT THE FREAKING PRIZE IS! And who wants to risk their life for crabs or-or that fucking free education for kids? ARE YOU GUYS CRAZY? Who dah hell wants an education SHIT?"

Then a little girl came up to the stage, she was wearing an old rugged shirt with holes and there were dirt on her face and other body parts. She looked up at the Host with huge watery pleading eyes that could melt a heart of stone. "I do. My parents are so poor that we eat scraps in the garbage everyday. My baby brother died from starvation and sickness. We have no money to bring me to school. I really need this opportunity ma'am; it's for my future and for my family."

The Host thinned her lips as she lowered herself until she was eye leveled with the young girl. She put the loose strands of the young girl's hair behind her ear and playfully gave the young girl a quick pinch in the cheek. "Did you know, I was a valedictorian in elementary and high school? And I also finished my course in laws, medicine, IT, education, and gained the award Bachelor of Science? But after all that studying, awards and all that shit… look at me now. I'm a goner and will be a Host forever. So you don't need education at all! It just wastes your time and life! Now get your ass oughta here! Your face is so IRRITATING! Go make yourself useful!" The little girl gasped as she looked down and walked out. "Fucking education! Making people believe stupid lies. How irritating." the Host mumbled.

The Author then cleared her throat, wondering how that girl got inside. "Anyway, the prize will be a week vacation in any country that is in your liking. Your team will have 500,000 dollars as a pocket money and a free airplane trip back and forth." She announced and everyone drooled as they imagined the places they wanted to go.

"Y-you serious? Any country where we like to go?" Yui asked in disbelief.

"Uh huh."

Miaka punched the air happily "Yatta! I wanna go to Italy and eat Italian food!" she cried happily as she drooled and imagined all the pasta she's going to eat.

"I wanna go to Australia and drink some beer!" Tasuki cheered.

"And I'll have the pocket money!" Tamahome said happily, and smiled. Imagining himself throwing the money around his room as he prance around, laughing in frenzy.

"In your dreams!" Tasuki retorted as a vein mark popped in his forehead. He needs that money to buy his beer. They're freaking awesome.

"Shut up!" Tamahome retorted back as he tackled Tasuki to the floor and started strangling each other.

The Host crossed her arms "Hmp, the prize might sound awesome but there's always something up in the Author's sleeve. Wonder what that could be?" she mumbled to herself as she stroked her invincible beard in thought. When the realization hit her, she gasped and narrowed her eyes "My missing cookies."

Soi walked up to her and raised an eyebrow "Why are you talking to yourself?"

The Host whipped her head to her teammates and dragged them to a far corner. They huddled together as the Host begun to talk softly "I'm going to warn you now, the games that the Author has set for us isn't going to be easy. This isn't just a simple 'Easter egg hunt'. It's going to be 'Easter egg but be careful because some of them explodes hunt'."

Chiriko's eyes widened "Are we going to play that game?" he asked as he trembled in fear.

The Host shrugged her shoulder "I don't know, but there's a possibility. The Author comes up with the craziest ideas ever. I tell yah, she's the devil herself… or himself since Lucifer is a dude."

Nuriko raised an eyebrow "If you think she's Lucifer, then why does she have boobs? Big ones. They look real to me." He said as he glanced at the Author's chest. What a pervert.

"I have an IRRITATING theory!" the Host proclaimed as she raised her index finger "It's either she had sex change or she wears a D cup bra and stuffs things inside so it would looked like she has a larger chest than mine! What a show off!" the Host huffed as she pouted. She groped her own chest and started lifting them up and down. Nuriko and Chiriko blushed as they looked away and Soi just sighed. The Host looked at them as she did a pose in side view, still holding her chest "Who do you think has the bigger chest?" she asked the two red tomato guys.

"Can we stop talking about boobs right now?" Soi asked feeling a bit annoyed with a vein mark on her head "Aren't we talking about the Author?"

"Oh yeah, what about it?" Nuriko asked, relieved that they finally stopped talking about the awkward topic. He should be really careful what to say next time.

The Host ate her cookies "She isn't normal."

"You aren't normal either." The three said and deadpanned.

The Host pouted "Shut up!" she said, chagrined. She may be weird but not as weird as the Author! ((B.N: You know I can hear you.)) She quickly cleared her throat and begun to explain in hushed voices "It's very complicated to understand how her brain works. Like now," they secretly peeked at the Author who was just standing there, looking… looking at THEM. She didn't blink or made any movements. She just stood there, watching them with unreadable features that creep them out as they looked back and huddled back together.

"That was so CREEPY!~" Chiriko wailed silently as tears begun to form in his eyes. He could still feel the Author's odd bone-chilling gaze.

They were all shivering in fear as the Host decided to speak. "S-See? She may be looking at us but her mind is elsewhere. She's a freak!"

"You do know that you have a little microphone pinned in your clothes right?" the Author reminded as she spoke through the larger microphone. Team four's eyes widened as they turned into stones and cracked in shock. Their whole "secret" conversation was heard, not only by the Author, but everybody. That's why everyone had rather discomforted look on their faces. Especially the "Boobs" conversation that made all guys glanced at the Host and blush.

"Eh-eh…" The Host stammered as she was blue in shock. She has forgotten to take off that pain-in-the-ass lil' microphone. She knew that after this, she's gonna get some punishment from the Author. Her teammates looked at her with a pissed look on their faces "Oops?" she said as she laughed awkwardly. That's why the Author was looking at them.

"I was expecting you to come up with your team name and not gossip about other people." She glared hard at the team four who all cowered together in fear "Shame on you."

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" The Host shrieked that startled everyone. She clutched her head, covering her ears.

The Author crossed her arms as she looked at the shivering Host "She screams like that when she hears _'Shame on you'_ – "

"AAAAAHHHHH!"

" – phrase." The Author continued her statement.

After a few seconds, the Host went back to her old self "What did I miss?" They all shook their head. She turned off her microphone as they huddled back together.

"As I was saying," the Host continued where she left off before "These games that we are about to play aren't easy and – I swear to Buddha – there's always a catch. We should never be under the food chain, or else, it's going to be really bad." She warned and everyone gulped. They knew how harsh the Author can be and that was proven when she locked Tasuki in a large room full of girls and was locked up there for the whole twenty-four hours.

Nuriko took a deep breath "So, what's your plan?" he asked the Host, hoping she has something in her mind. The Host is quite good at thinking plans since her mom is a military general and uses her smart plans to molest people.

"You do have one… right?" Soi added.

The Host licked her upper lips in thought "Since I just found out I'm going to join you guys so, I have no idea at the moment." She said disappointingly as she bit her bottom lip in irritation. She must think up of a plan as soon as possible or else, it'll be hard for them to win this game.

A light bulb appeared on top of Chiriko's head as he came up with an idea "Do you have cookies which are rich in energy?" Chiriko asked the Host as his eyes sparked in hope and anticipation.

The Host blinked "Yes, I do believe I have some. Why?"

"We need to be hyper to be able to be really fast and strong if we want to win these games." He said, hoping the Host would agree and this plan to work.

The Host's eyes sparked in excitement as she chuckled darkly "Have I ever told you how much I love you, Chiriko?" she asked the little child who shook his head.

"No. You just said how much you hate me."

"Our time is running out. Has anyone thought of our team name yet?" Soi asked.

The Host ruby eyes sparked in mischievousness. "Leave that, to me."

{ x After Five Minutes x }

"Time is up." The Author declared as everyone sat to their team's lounges. "I would like to hear team one's name."

The team one stood up. "Our team name is 'One Direction'!~" Miaka and Yui cheerfully said as they held hands and Chichiri just sweatdropped. "Because we only have one direction to go to, to win!" the two cheered.

The Author raised an eyebrow "Isn't that a boy band?" she asked.

"YEAH!" the two answered in a fan girl mode.

"I see." The Author awkwardly nodded "Team two?"

"We are called Three and a Half Men." Tasuki said.

The Author raised an eyebrow "Why Three and a Half Men?"

"Because Tomo isn't a full man." Tasuki said.

The Author silently sighed. She doesn't know where all of these names are coming from. They're pretty lame too. "Team three?"

Hotohori stepped in as the spotlight light down on him as he combed his long brown hair "We named our group, The Perfect Four. And P4 for short." He said as sparkles and red roses appeared behind him. He walked up to her and gave her a red rose he picked up from out of nowhere and flashed her, his blinding 100 carat smile.

The Author stared at him blankly as he continued to sparkle. "Thank you." She said as she accepted the flower. Once Hotohori looked back to join his team, the Author quickly threw the flower behind her as if it was just some kind of an used paper being thrown at the bin. Now, it is the team four's turn. The Author looked at the Host, who was grinning like a maniac, and hoped that she won't disappoint her. Host is really REALLY bad at giving names. She has a dog and she named it 'Vibrator' because the dog ate her vibrator. So every time she pets her dog, the dog vibrates. "Team Four?"

"WE"

"ARE"

"THE"

"QUADRILATERAL ALL STAR FULL FORCE!" They all said together as they did some heroic pose.

The Author nodded, impressed that they did not let her down. The name actually refers to them and everyone seems to agree. Unlike the other teams, they based their name to a boy band, they discriminate their teammate's gender, and the other one related their name to _himself _only. So far, she likes the team four. "Now, are you all ready?" she asked as her eyes gazed at them with full seriousness.

The players furrowed their eyebrows and nodded, readying themselves for what hell is coming.

"BRING IT ON!"

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><p><strong>B.N: <strong>I'm so sorry if it has to be so short~! Gomen ne. But I PROMISE (here we go again with the stupid promises) that I will update as soon as I can! The next chapter is quite… exciting (I think) but just watch for it~! I promise it'll be long next time. I AM NOT THE MAN OF MY WORDS! Just kidding~!

Anyway, just a quick note. I realized that since this interview started, I've been using a lot of foul words. I do not have the habit of swearing (since my parents will cut my tongue if I do) and since this story started, I'm accidentally saying them. WHICH IS HORRIBLE!

But anyhoo, I'll try to lessen those or just stop thinking about the Host 'cause she's been affecting my brain way too much. When I'm thinking about her perverted lines, it feels like my brain's getting raped. Speaking of the Host, I drew a picture of her and just go to my account and go click the address. I hope you guys like it. I'm still a beginner at drawing so.. just CHECK IT OUT! And please tell me what you guys think~!

Have a good day everyone and review to make me happy and to encourage a lonesome author like me to update fast. Hahaha, what a lame excuse.

Chow~!


	12. A Letter for my Dear Readers

Dear beloved readers,

I'm so sorry I couldn't update on time like I promised. You see, I'm emotionally drained at the moment and not feeling well. I'm having an asthma again and can't have the energy (or my mum won't let me) to continue. All I want to say is, I love you all (even for those who doesn't review). Thank you for all your supports and ridiculously funny questions and dares.

Do not worry. I'll try my best to get back in health and continue on, answering and doing your dares. I'm sorry if you have to wait a bit longer. I do really feel guilty for breaking my promise.

And one more thing.

I was about to upload the new chapters that I worked my butt off, but… in some kind of a black magic.. my computer broke down and lost ALL its files. So I'm using a friend's laptop at the moment to type this letter to you. I'm really, really sorry to disappoint you. I never meant this to happen but my sudden asthma attack and computer break down made it difficult for me. I hope you guys all well and have a good day.

With all love,

Black Michaelis

P.S: I have a new story I uploaded a week ago or so and I hope you guys read it! It's called, Under the Rain, a NurikoxYui fic. I hope you guys read it and leave some reviews~!


	13. Host on PMS

**Interview with the Fushigi Yuugi Cast!**

**By: Black Michaelis**

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><p><strong>B.N: <strong>Oh I absolutely missed you guys~! I have decided to not continue this story. Naah, just kidding. I'm just not gonna continue the 2nd special one since it will only add on my workload and I'm not making such progress. Oh my Gee~! The questions are piling up and up! But I shall work hard just for you guys! I'm so happy because 814 people has read this story~! *victory dance* Yatta! So here it goes!

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: FY not mine.<strong>

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><p><strong>Part 8: Host in PMS<strong>

"Fucking hell" the Host muttered angrily. She's been doing this job for a very long time and she made her first mistake. "I forgot Akimoto Tsubaki's question.. FFFFFUUUUUU – " she growled angrily as she slammed a bottle of milk. Hot steam was seen above the Host's head as multiple vein marks throbbed on her head.

Miaka leaned to Nuriko "Is she alright?" she whispered, fearing that the Host might hear her. The Host smashed the bottle of milk against her forehead angrily but did not once wince in pain as she continued her rampage.

Nuriko shrugged his shoulders "Who knows? She might have lost it." He whispered back as they watched the Host grabbing something behind her couch. Once she got it, she held it up for everyone to see. It was a large tennis racket looking thing that has a bolt sign on its net. They all gasped when they saw the racket spark. It was an electrifying racket for insects.

A brave camera man went up to the Host to stop her madness. "Hey Abby, please stop th – " he was interrupted when the Host swung her racket and the camera man flew out of the studio.

The Host sighed as she ran her fingers through her raven hair and chucked her electrifying racket back. Someone yelled from the backstage, maybe electrocuted. "Now" the Host sat on her couch, crossing her leg. "Let's begin."

The FY cast were huddling each other, in fear of the Host. They all turned blue and sweat drops appeared on their forehead.

The Host gave everyone a happy-closed-eyes smile and her surroundings sparkled "Hi everyone~!" No one greeted back, still terrified. The Host opened her eyes and her smile not present "I said, HI!" the whole room seemed to shake as if an earthquake just passed by. The people were startled.

The Host massaged the bridge of her nose, feeling another headache coming up. The Host shifted uncomfortably on her couch.

"Why are you looking so… irritated?" Soi asked. The Host shifted again, growling slightly.

"I know eh. Is it because you forgot to ask the question? Or someone stuck a ball up your ass?" Tasuki added.

The Host grimaced "I got PMS." She answered darkly.

"So?" Tasuki don't really get it. So what if she has PMS? That's not a reason for her to act like an asshole.

The Host looked at him "What do you mean 'so'? Do you know how hard it is? Do you know how these pads makes my *censor* itchy?"

Nuriko joined the conversation "Yeah but, that doesn't mean you have to be so hot tem – " Before he could even realize it, he was now face to face with the angry Host, steaming in anger. She trapped him with her arms in each side of his head.

"You don't have the right to say that to me you faggot! You don't know what I have to go through when I'm having my periods! Do you know how hard to stay in the same position at night because you don't want your white bed sheets to have blood spots? Do you know that I last night was my niece pool birthday party and I jump into the pool, and the water turned red, they thought I killed someone or I'm a freaking crocodile eating stupid people. So you don't have the right to say to me that I can't be hot tempered! YYAAAAHHH DDDDOOOOONNN'TTTTTTTTTT!" The Host heaved after her loud outburst.

The Host went back to her couch, laid a newspaper that she got out of nowhere, laid it down on her couch and sat down. "We have two askers for today due to my previous mistake. They are, Akimoto Tsubaki and Hardcore Anime Fangirl. Welcome once again. Here's the thing I've missed from Akimoto: Here's the dare for Nakago, you have to watch all the Twilight movies and you have to form a fan club with you as the president of Team Edward." The Host stared at the question, wondering what the hell she just read. She couldn't and could NEVER imagine Nakago like that. She looked at Nakago and found the blonde man sitting calmly on the couch with his eyes close. "Sorry Nakago, it's your dare."

Nakago breathed heavily and walked out of the room then stop in mid-way. He looked back and the camera focused on his handsome stoic face and stared hard at the camera. "This isn't over." He spoke in a calm yet threatening manner. Then turned around and walked out.

The Host shifted again on her sit "Our next asker is Hardcore Anime Fangirl. The question is for.. hnnn?" the Host raised an eyebrow "Sebastian. SEBASTIIIIAAAAAN!" she called out and the handsome butler clad in black entered the room.

The butler wore an irritated expression on his face "It is not proper for a lady to be raising her voice in such a manner. A young lady should never act like a barbarian." He lectured her, his English accent emitting in his words.

The Host scoffed "My ass. Now, Hardcore Anime Fangirl (such a long name) wanted to ask you if you like puppies."

Sebastian gave everyone a blinding eyes-close grin "Absolutely not. I despise them with such hate and they're such a vile putrid creatures, you see. Now, is that all my lady?" he asked politely. The Host nodded and waved him off and the butler left the room.

"Her next question is for Tamahome." Tamahome groaned. The Host smirked "Stop doing that sound Tamahome. You're turning me on."

"What?"

"Anyway, her question is: How do you feel when you were kissing Soi?"

Miaka glanced at Tamahome in the corners of her eyes that flashed with sadness and a bit of jealousy.

Tamahome sighed "I feel nothing. Nothing at all. Because my heart belongs to Miaka and her only, nobody else." Tamahome took Miaka's hand and caressed it gently, looking straight at her sparkling emerald eyes lovingly. "I would never love another woman except you, Miaka." Miaka smiled as she leaned her head on the crook of Tamahome's neck.

Tomo whipped out his camera "Facebook~!" he took their photo.

Nuriko waved his hand in the hair "Hey, hey tag me!"

"You're not even in the picture."

"So what? Just tag me as the couch!"

The interview day ended well.. well.. except for one person.

Nakago sat on the couch with his leg on top of the other while watching Twilight. He was just staring at it but his mind was somewhere else.

"You'll pay dearly."

**B.N: **Bahahaha! Hope you guys like this one! Sorry for taking so long but here it is! I'm still not feeling well and if you guys see any mistakes, well… I can't really check because it makes me dizzy. My mind is not functioning well and I'm sorry if this chapter sucks. And if you guys have time, please do visit my Deviant account (it's an art thingy website where I post my drawings. The link is in my profile.) And oh yeah, PM me if you guys want me to post up the second part of the Easter Party chapter (SPOILER: the first game is called "Suck Eggs")

Once again, thank you and I love you all. (for Aki-sempai: I do beg your pardon for making Nakago threaten you like that.)


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